“Words are one thing,” I say. “Action is what matters.”
I knew the moment Sithren gave me this gadget that I’d never use it. I knew that he was right when he told me I would be his. I am his. I love him. And my love makes me captive, just as he told me it would. What he didn’t tell me, at least, what I don’t remember him telling me, is how much joy I would find in it.
I take the button he gave me out of my pocket, and as he watches me, I open the back of it, pull the wires so it cannot transmit, then crush it between two rocks until it is a fine plastic powder.
There is no going back. There is only forward with my family here in the Dinavri wilds. I do not know what the future will bring, but I do know that whatever it looks like, whatever fate may bring, I am here.
For better or worse, I am home.
EPILOGUE
Years later…
It is Tethys’ thirteenth birthday. We have been in the wild for three years now. I am swelling with child, and I do mean swelling. Not just my belly, but my breasts, my ankles, and my belly besides. It has been almost nine months of slowly growing wider and rounder. Any day now, a new soul will join the wild.
“You should stop fussing,” Sithren says. “She will love what you have made her.” He is sitting at the door of the house, working on sharpening his spear. He is wearing nothing besides a thick band of fabric around his waist and through his thighs. He has been roughened and toughened by this life. His scaling shows some signs of sun bleaching. He’s broader and bigger, his body accustomed to the rigors of the hunt. He has not left my side for the last two weeks. I am due soon and he refuses to miss the birth. I think he is worried about me. The twins were hard births, and a surprise to us all.
I’ve been distracting myself by working on a new dress for Tethys. I never used to be a seamstress but being in the wild means having to develop new skills. Feeding ourselves, clothing ourselves, these are the fundamentals.
“Where are Henry and Melissa?”
“Following Tethys around like a couple of bad smells.” He smiles. “You know, she’s taking good care of them.”
Our twins are two years old and have attached to Tethys with great admiration. To the relief of the tribe, they do both have some scaling about their eyes and their ears and down their arms. They have slitted golden eyes and the cutest little sharp teeth. Other than that they look like humans, like me. I wonder if this next baby will look like them, or if he or she will be more human. I know I will love it no matter what it is.
“Mom!”
My kids are home.
Tethys is carrying Melissa. Henry is clutching Tethys’ dress and has his other hand stuffed in his mouth. The kid eats more dirt than he eats food. I used to try and stop it, but I have resigned myself to the inevitability of it now. Parenthood is about letting go or going insane.
“Is that for me?” Tethys sees the dress before I can hide it. I gathered berries to dye the cloth to a pink and purple hue. It’s very pretty, just as she is.
“Yes. It’s your present. Do you like it?”
“It’s so pretty!” she squeals. “Thank you! I can’t wait to try it on.”
“Pwetty!” Melissa echoes her older sister. Melissa wants nothing more than to be pink like Tethys, to be tall like Tethys, to be called Tethys, like Tethys.
“I’ve made you a little dress too, but you have to be good when the new baby comes,” I tell her. Reasoning with a two-year-old is fairly pointless, but I try anyway. Eventually, she’ll respond to it. For now she makes little chubby grabby hands for her dress.
I feel a sharp pain in my side, followed by a gush of warmth.
“Sithren!”
It’s happening. It’s happening right now. And it’s happening fast. I’ve been getting little contractions for a couple of days now, and I just ignored them. Now, I suddenly cannot ignore them. I can hardly breathe.
I bend double and Sithren takes me to the back where we agreed I’d give birth. It’s supposed to be a time of quiet contemplation, but that never pans out where I’m concerned. The villagers know to sweep my kids away so they don’t have to listen to the animal noises I make as new life uses my body as a portal.
Over the following hour, I come to a primal reckoning with myself and the process of birth. It hurts. They say it doesn’t hurt, but it absolutely does.