I expect Gage’s expression to melt into soft understanding, but instead, his gaze remains steady and reserved. “Why wouldn’t you feel comfortable? I get that Aneta is a snob and not someone you’d ever hang out with, but you’ll be with me. Sophie will be there with Baden, so you’ll know them.”
I shake my head. “I just wouldn’t. That’s not my thing… dressy parties, fancy food, small chitchat.”
“But it’s my thing,” he says quietly. “I mean… not necessarily the fancy food and chitchat, but hanging out with my team is part of building and maintaining camaraderie. Including significant others is part of it. And you’re significant.”
Panic swells within me. The pressure to live up to his expectations to be his arm candy.
No, wait… that’s not what he said.
But that’s what it is, right? People will be looking at me in that light.
“Gage,” I whisper, feeling slightly nauseated. “All those beautiful, perfect people. You’re beautiful and perfect, and… I’m not. I don’t want to be an object of curiosity. I would be embarrassed.”
Anger clouds his eyes, and his teeth grind. “I think you’re beautiful and perfect. Isn’t that all that matters?”
“I thought so,” I admit honestly. “But what Keller did yesterday… there are so many more like him. Aneta and her friends are like him. I don’t want to be subjected to that, and I would think you’d understand.”
Gage rubs his face in frustration before crossing his forearms on the table. He leans toward me. “What I understand is that I love you. I want you to be by my side as a partner, and that includes supporting me and being with me at team events. This isn’t the first and it won’t be the last. What I’d expect of someone like you, with your courage and determination, is to figure a way to get past those fears and truly own up to who you are. I saw a bit of that yesterday when you were brave enough to pull your hair back—”
“—and it freaked Keller out—”
“—and when you let me see your body last night,” he continues. “The trust you put in me—”
“—with dim light, not in the brightness of day.”
Gage sighs, and it’s heavy with disappointment. “I get your fears, Jenna. I empathize with them. And I love you. I really do. But I’m not going to hide in the shadows with you. I’m going to live my life the way I have been, and I want you by my side. But if you can’t, then I’ll try to deal with it. My guess is that this won’t be sustainable. That once we get past the newness of what we have and all the ways we’re discovering things about each other, I’m not going to be able to accept that parts of our lives will be led separately, with me in the light and you in the dark. I’d bet money right now, it will be our demise.”
I consider his words. My heart squeezes painfully at the thought of losing him. “Is this an ultimatum?”
“No,” he replies quietly. “I don’t believe in those. I believe in trying to work things out, and I will try to accept it.”
Sure sounds like an ultimatum to me, and it makes me bitter. But I also understand where he’s coming from. He’s watched me make so much progress, but that thing with Keller threw me back a bit.
“Can I think about it?” I ask.
He smiles. “Sure. I’m going to the arena for a workout. I’ll drop you off at your place, and you can let me know what you want to do.”
?
Breakfast was awkward, and after we finished eating, Gage threw on some clothes and drove me home. He pulled up in front of my building but didn’t get out of the car. Not that I expected him to. I don’t need him to walk me up, but I was put on more tenuous ground when he didn’t tell me he loved me before I got out.
Is it possible he’s already lost that feeling because I didn’t want to go to a stupid party tonight?
It’s more than a party, my conscience reminds me.
It’s a relationship. It would mean commitment.
Inside my apartment, I head straight for my bathroom. I soak under a hot shower and try not to think about the way Gage touched me last night until he was acquainted with every square inch of my skin, smooth and ragged.
Once in my robe, I make another cup of coffee and move to my couch. Curling up on one end, I call Emory.
To my surprise, Jett answers in a robotic voice. “I’m sorry, Emory can’t come to the phone right now as she’s currently making me breakfast.”
Laughing, I say, “You go take over cooking duties and let me talk to my sister.”
Jett chuckles, and Emory comes on the line. “Hey.”