“Don’t.” Calloway didn’t deserve any sympathy.
“I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but despite what he did, I think he really cares about you.”
I didn’t care how Calloway felt. He didn’t prove it to me when he lied for so long—and about something so big. He liked chains and whips and for women to submit like slaves. I couldn’t be more different, with a back so strong and rigid it would never bend—not even for him. “He had an odd way of showing it.”
Christopher gave me a sad look, falling silent.
I felt stupid for giving Calloway so much of myself. Not just my virginity, but my heart. I told him I loved him, and up until last week, I thought he felt the same way—even if he wouldn’t say it. I felt a special connection with him, a partnership that could last a lifetime. He was my best friend, and I felt like I’d lost more than just a boyfriend.
If I thought about it too long, the depression would start to grow and pull me under. So, I concentrated on my sandwich and changed the subject. “Are you going to keep going to Ruin?”
He shook his head. “Major conflict of interest.”
“I don’t care if you do, Christopher.”
“I know. But I’m still not interested. There’re lots of other kink clubs in the city. If I get bored, I can explore one of those.” He finally pulled his gaze away from my face, not staring at me so intently. “So…are you going to keep working with him?”
I told myself I could do it, that I could see him every day and still hold my head high, but when I spotted him in the hallway or the elevator, my heart fell into my stomach. “I really love my job, and I’m never going to find anything else like it.”
“I guess that’s a yes, then.”
“He asked me to stay because he thinks I’m the best person for the job. He hasn’t mentioned our relationship once while we’ve been at work. It seems to be working well enough. I guess I thought he might try to chase me…but he hasn’t.”
Christopher turned his gaze back to my face. “You sound disappointed.”
“I’m not.”
He gave me that knowing look, like he could see something written on my face. “Can you really not be with him? Or are you just mad at him?”
“What are you asking?” I didn’t have a clue what kind of point he was trying to make.
“I’m asking exactly what I asked. Do you really not want to be with Calloway, or do you just need a break? Two completely different things.”
“No. I can’t be with him.” It was as simple as that.
“Even though you love him?”
“He doesn’t love me, remember?”
“Maybe he doesn’t. But maybe he does.”
I eyed him suspiciously. “What are you saying, Christopher?”
“I don’t know… I know what he did was bad, but I still like him, you know? There’s something about him, something so endearing.”
Obviously. Why else would I have fallen in love with him so quickly? “Yes, he’s very charismatic.”
“I guess I sympathize with the guy because we really aren’t that different.”
“Yes, you are.” Night and day.
“Look, I’m a pig just like him. I like kinky shit and loose chicks. But I know if the right woman came along, I’d cut out all the bullshit and be the man she deserved. Maybe he was part of that lifestyle. That doesn’t make him a bad guy.”
Christopher didn’t know the whole story. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“How?”
“Look, you don’t want to know this stuff, Christopher. I appreciate your concern, but it’s misplaced.”
“Why would I ask if I didn’t want to know?” he asked.
“Because it’s personal stuff. I don’t want to know about your lady friends.”
“Yeah, because that’s all sex. What you had with Calloway was different. So, talk to me.” He snapped his fingers. “I’m all ears, no judgments. I’m not gonna throw up or tease you about anything.”
I knew he meant well, so I went for it. “Not only is it a problem that Calloway lied to me. But he doesn’t want to give up what he does.”
His eyebrows furrowed, unsure what I meant. “Which is?”
“He wants to be my Dom. That’s what he’s wanted from the beginning. He said he wanted to break me in before he pushed me that far. That’s why he didn’t tell me the truth for so long—afraid of scaring me off.”
“Oh…” Christopher nodded in understanding.
“And I want nothing to do with that lifestyle. It’s not who I am or what I stand for. I don’t want a man who needs to smack me around to get off.”
He nodded again. “And he’s unwilling to walk away?”
“He says it’s who he is—and he’s not gonna change.”
Christopher’s eyes moved to the floor, his melancholy increasing. “I would believe that, but some parts aren’t adding up… Why would he be with you for six months, giving up that lifestyle, if he couldn’t give it up forever?”