He nods and indicates to Carver, who is planting a failsafe for me just in case I ever need it. My fingers itch to take what’s mine now, but I don’t. I can’t take it with me. They have metal detectors just shy of the inner security doors, the ones I have to walk through when they escort me back into the main part of the detention center. I leave the lawyer to begrudgingly hide my plan b in the stitching of the sofa armrest and then glance back at Lorcan, the unspoken question hanging in the air between us.
I should ask about Dante, but I won’t.
That fucker doesn’t deserve any more of my headspace.
After I turned myself in, he went dark. Disappeared. Of course, he did too. He was never going to risk me pointing the finger at him. Lorcan still has the USB drive in a safe somewhere of everything I gathered together to frame Dante when he was stalking me. I know because Lor told me where it was when it was clear Dante had abandoned me yet again.
I’d forgotten all about it. I must be losing my touch.
“You’ve always got me,” Lorcan’s smooth voice cuts through my shitty thoughts, knowing exactly what I’m thinking.
I clench my jaw and stare into his green orbs as he scans my face, eyes hungry for whatever I can give him. Even as withdrawn as I look now, he’s drinking the very sight of me, warts and all, up. I haven’t seen him in weeks. Fuck knows what I look like. The only time he was allowed to visit was right before I was remanded to St Michael’s to wait for my summons to Youth Court. I was surprised to see him with Carver. I assumed after what I did to Dino that he’d drop me too.
But he didn’t.
He stayed.
He’s the only one who has. I’ve no idea what that says about him.
What does that say about you, V?
Lorcan mustn’t like what he sees because he frowns.
“Fuck Dante, the bastard,” he hisses, assuming the reason for the darkness peeking through my mask. “Forget about him.”
“I can’t yet,” I say. Dante knows too much, and I’m vulnerable just being in here. If he has left me to rot, which is the most likely possibility, I still need to be aware that he can make it so that I don’t survive another night. Especially if he thought I would rat on him. I don’t say that out loud, not when Lorcan never trusted Dante anyway. Paranoia comes with the territory of what I do. I don’t need Lorcan freaking out along with me.
“I still don’t know what you’re putting yourself through this,” Lor says, eyes clouding over with fears and demons of his own.
I blink at him, not bothering to answer that. When I don’t move or say anything, Lorcan sighs and tilts his head, drawing me into his arms. I let him hold me. It’s more for him than for me. When he asked me that question before, and I looked into his eyes, allowing him to see what I rarely let anyone, that I’m cold, dead, and empty inside, he held me like he’s holding me now. Squeezing until I can’t fucking breathe.
Lorcan needs this. He craves touch, always needing to reach for me unawares whenever he’s stressed or upset. And he’s upset now because he knows the answer to his question.
He already knows why.
Dino.
After what I did…how easy was it to take the fall for shooting Kristian? Even though Dino’s prints were on the gun, so were mine. Dino used my gun to kill his brother. When I gave myself up, I admitted guilt for everything, for Dino, for Kristian, and pleaded temporary insanity through the use of hallucinogenic narcotics, which I had overloaded myself with just before they took me in.
I was supposed to protect him. Keep him safe. I promised Lorcan I would. Taking the fall is what the boys would do for me. It’s what Jude has done for me.
But I wasn’t thinking clearly that night, and I’m still not. Getting arrested was an instinctive move. It meant my father couldn’t get to me easily, but I could get to Jude. Though now I’m in here, I don’t plan on staying, and I certainly don’t plan on letting Adrien live.
But Lorcan continues to hold me, his heart beating where my jaw rests on his chest. I stay there for a minute or two, letting him have this, thinking of all the things I need to do until he says the words I’ve been dreading.
“We haven’t been able to find him.” His voice is strained and hushed as he kisses my hair.
Something dark twists in my gut.
Him—he means Dino.
After I was arrested, none of the boys were able to get back into the hospital. Then there was the funeral—a closed casket affair for one of Lola Vice’s sons, which I wasn’t able to attend. No one was invited, and it wasn’t announced anywhere which son it was being buried.
“He’s alive,” I say firmly, ignoring the darkness surging within me, wanting to lash out at Lorcan. I hold it in check, breathing hard. All this while Lorcan holds me.
It’s a delicate balance.
When Carver clears his throat, I know our time is up.
Lorcan says nothing but presses me to him tighter. I let him crush me to his body one last time, and then I extract myself from his iron grip. I look into his haunted green eyes just as the orderly returns and Lorcan and Carver go to take their leave.
I know it was Kristian. He was stone cold dead when I was dragged away from his body in the church.
Dino made sure of that by shooting him in the head.
“Make friends, V. You need allies,” Lorcan says under his breath as he shakes my hand goodbye.
I stare at him, knowing he’s right, as red stains the corners of my vision, forcing me to blink it away.
He’s right because he sounds just like bloody Dante.