“You told me you wouldn’t bother me.”
Acid formed in my stomach, making me feel sick. I wasn’t sure what I expected her to say, but that wasn’t it. The hopefulness inside me imagined her telling me that she missed me, that she still loved me.
Not that I deserved that affection. “I know. That’s not why I’m calling.”
“Oh…”
“That Humanitarian Gala is next week. I’m getting an award, so I have to be there. I suspect Hank will be there too.”
Her breathing increased, blowing into the phone.
“I think we should give him the impression we’re still together. If he suspects we’re broken up, he might come after you again. I’ve got guys tailing him, so don’t worry. But I’d rather not give him any hope that he can get to you.”
She was still quiet, her breathing exactly the same.
“Sweetheart?” I cringed the second I uttered the endearment, knowing I should only call her by her first name from now on.
“Yeah, I think that would be best.”
I knew she wanted to reject my offer because being close to me would be difficult. But her fear for her safety was still paramount. I suspected she had trouble sleeping not just from our breakup, but because I wasn’t around to protect her anymore. “Okay. I’ll pick you up an hour before.”
“Okay.” She didn’t say another word.
I listened to the silence and knew it was time to hang up. I wouldn’t talk to her again for another week. It would be seven days of pure loneliness.
“Calloway?”
I missed hearing her say my name. “Yes?”
“Are you… Never mind. Good night.”
I didn’t just want to know what she was going to ask. I needed to know every thought that passed through that pretty little head of hers. “Ask me whatever you want, Rome.”
“I’m not sure if I want to know the answer.”
That could only mean one thing. “I haven’t been with anyone, Rome. I won’t be with anyone for a very long time. You don’t need to worry about that.” I might find a new sub to whip, but I certainly wouldn’t touch anyone sexually. The idea of fucking someone wasn’t the least bit arousing.
“I can’t picture myself with anyone but you…”
I shouldn’t love hearing those words, but I did. They made my chest relax. “Neither can I.”
10
Rome
As time went on, life didn’t get easier.
I still hardly slept at night, unable to handle ice-cold sheets now that Calloway’s body wasn’t there to keep them warm. His rhythmic heartbeat used to soothe me like a lullaby. His strong arms were always around my body, keeping all the demons away.
Including Hank.
I didn’t think Hank was a problem anymore because it seemed like Calloway truly scared him off. But Calloway was right. Without him around, Hank would probably find the courage to pursue me again.
As much as I hated to admit it, I was scared.
One of my biggest fears was getting raped, a fear all women must have. I didn’t think Hank would ever kill me, but being used like that was just as bad, if you asked me. And now I was faced with the reality that I truly relied on Calloway for a lot of things, not just my happiness.
But there was nothing I could do about it.
“I think I’m going to buy a gun.”
Christopher was eating on the other couch, and he stopped in mid-bite to look at me. “What?”
“I need a handgun, something small. Maybe a Glock.”
He put down his bowl of rice and chicken. “You aren’t serious, right?”
“I think it’ll be good to have.”
“Is this about Hank?”
Who else would it be about? “Yeah.”
“Honestly, I think guns are dangerous. You’re more likely to hurt yourself.”
“Not if I take some gun safety courses and truly learn how to handle a deadly weapon.” I wasn’t ignorant enough to think I could learn everything in a day. There were a lot of precautions when it came to carrying a firearm.
He ran his hand through his hair as he shook his head. “Calloway said he has men keeping an eye on Hank. I don’t think you need to resort to that. Plus, I’m right across the hall from you.”
“Calloway won’t protect me forever,” I reminded him. “One day, he’ll move on and protect someone else.” It was painful to imagine him being as attentive to someone else as he was to me, but that was a fact I would have to accept. “And Christopher, you’re going to have your own life too. Having a gun will make me feel safe when I have no one to rely on but myself.”
“I think you should think about it for a while, do some research. Because people accidentally kill themselves with their own weapons all the time. That’s a fact. I’m not just pulling that out of my ass.”
“I know.” I ignored his growing hostility. Whenever he was concerned about me, he usually grew protective and angry. “You know I don’t take anything lightly.”