LACHLAN
I knew what was coming.
It didn't mean I could do anything about it. All I could do was wait, see her face, and take it.
She came straight to the cottage, and I was grateful that Saint wasn't there. He had taken one look at me when we came back and headed straight back out with his gym gear.
She was just as knackered as I was. We were all wrecked. I could tell by her beautiful face, her chin uplifted, her shoulders squared. "Can we talk?"
I sighed and stepped aside. "Look, I know that things got a little heated in the field. But that's no reason to walk away."
“It's all the reason, Lock. When it came down to it in the field, you didn't trust me. That's a hundred percent my fault, and I own that. I needed to be your supervising officer, not your girlfriend. And because I was your girlfriend, you couldn't follow an order I gave you in the field."
"That was my fault, not yours."
"That doesn't really matter, does it? At the end of the day you and I shouldn't have been together."
"Stop saying that. We'll just work it out so we're on different missions."
“It's not going to work, and we cannot do that. Gabe knows."
I frowned at that. "What the fuck do you mean he knows?"
"Gabe, my brother, our operations commander. He knows."
“You told him?"
She chuffed a laugh. "You think I had to tell him?"
The anxiety in the pit of my stomach twisted and gnarled, trying to claw its way out. "Saff, I fucked up. It was my fault."
"No, it was mine. I never should have let it get this far."
My gut twisted. “You don't understand. I'm… I’m…"
"Lock, I love you. And for the first time in my life, I felt seen in your arms. But I need to be with someone who trusts me. Who believes in me. Who will back my plays.”
“Saff, don’t.”
A sob tore from her chest. “You broke my heart. And maybe you were right. But the moment you treated me like I couldn’t trust myself, I knew I had to walk away."
“Fuck, I’m so sorry. I just panicked because I almost lost you. Before I met you, I thought I had to be on my own. I thought I didn’t deserve anyone. And maybe I don’t, because when you needed me, I couldn’t get past the possibility of losing you. But I can work on that. I won’t love it, but I can figure it out. Give me a chance.”
“We have no chance. We were never supposed to be together. This—us—it’s against the rules."
“I will break every rule for you.” I tried to hold her again, and she stepped out of reach.
“You have a job to do, Lock. You've got six months. Fucking hell. Just do your job. Go back to your life. This is my life. Now I have to figure out how I can salvage it."
“You're giving up, Saff.
I leaned down, my forehead pressing into hers. Our lips were a whisper from each other, and I could smell the lingering scent she no longer had of her mother's.
“I needed you to believe in me in the field. Sight unseen. It’s called faith. And just like my brother, you don’t have any in me.“ She whirled to leave, and I caught her wrist again. She broke my hold easily and delivered a backhanded blow that caught me straight across the cheek. “Don’t touch me.”
She didn't even slam the door when she strolled out. Just left it wide open, the chill of the night air whipping in. I knew she wouldn't forgive me.
You can't blame her.