For a brief moment, I see things without the cloud of my overprotective big brother nature obscuring the situation. “You’re right.”
“Daaaamn,” she teases, drawing out the word.
“Knock it off. I admit you’re right more than anyone else in my life.”
She shakes with laughter against me. “God, Marcel. You’re the only person who could make me laugh right now.”
“Good.” I kiss her forehead again. “All I want to do is make you happy.”
Her laughter dies. “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
“What if I did something to cause—”
“No.” I cut that off immediately. “Don’t go there, Charlotte. It happens. We knew that. That’s why we didn’t want to share the news yet.”
“I know.” She takes another deep breath. “Keep talking to me. Tell me about the rest of your trip.”
“Nothing much to tell. I walked around. Spent a lot of time watching the falls. Tried so hard to remember more about my parents but it’s like time covered everything in cobwebs.”
“You had to have been young.”
“Eight or nine when we took that trip, I think. The memories I have are actually good, and that doesn’t seem right considering all the bad that came after.”
“No person is one hundred percent good or bad, Marcel. Even if they ultimately failed you, it’s okay to acknowledge there were some positive moments.”
“But it all seems so fake now. I feel sick that I called him Dad for so many years.”
“It’s on them. Not you. You’re innocent in all of this.”
“So is Rock, when you get down to it. Not only was he a kid, but she never told him about me.” I clench my jaw so hard my teeth ache. “But I can’t help being, I don’t know, angry with him for some reason.”
She reaches up and runs her fingers through my hair. “I think that’s a normal reaction. Even if it’s not fair or rational. Try to be aware of it and remember this is hurting him too.”
“I sound like a whiny pussy, don’t I?”
“I think you mean whiny ball sack.” She grins at me. “But no, I don’t think you’re whiny at all. It’s a huge shock. Complicated by the fact that you have no one who has more details to ask.” She pauses again. “Have you thought about tracking down your mother to ask her?”
“Fuck no.”
“All right.” She presses her palm against my chest. “I don’t blame you.”
Pure love pulses though me. “Tell me what I can do for you, Charlotte. Please.”
She ducks and rubs her forehead against my chest, lightly kissing over my heart. “What you’re doing.”
“Do you want to talk to someone? Someone besides me?”
“No.” She snaps her head up so fast she hits my chin. I wince as my teeth slice into my tongue. “Don’t tell anyone. Please. Promise me.”
“Why?”
“Hope’s about to have a baby. I don’t want her to feel bad or guilty. And I don’t want everyone talking about it or pitying me.”
Even though anything our club family said would be out of love or concern for us, I understand what she means. “All right.”
“Thank you.” She kisses along my jaw. “What can I do to help you?”
“For now, I don’t want to say anything. Rock understands. It sounds like an excuse, but Heidi’s so close to finally finishing school, I don’t want this to derail her again. And I want her and Blake to have their wedding without this overshadowing the whole affair.”
“You think once Murphy’s settled into married life, he’ll handle it better?” Charlotte asks in a hushed voice.
“Maybe.” I lift my shoulders.
“I know you’d never do anything to hurt either one of them,” she assures me. “Maybe it will be good for you to take some time to get your head and heart around it too. Before revealing the truth.”
I grunt in semi-agreement as the copper tang of blood from my bitten tongue fills my mouth.
Truth is rarely revealed without pain.