I was born to be a fighter. And when I fight, I live in my emotions.

But maybe my emotions don’t have to trap me anymore.

“You should blink less so you can watch your opponent’s punch land. Or he might just catch you off guard,” I hear a deep voice that momentarily breaks my focus.

I’m surprised that he’s come to see me at all. The only time he actively seeks me out is when he feels like his ego is threatened. And I can’t think of anything that I’ve done that would warrant a visit from him today. As far as I’m concerned, we’re finished.

“What do you want?” I snap my head toward him in irritation, bracing an arm over my hip.

He’s by the foot of the ring, staring up at me like a scared little dog. It’s rare to see fear in his eyes. He looks like he’s been through hell and back. His dark eyes are tired and a line of stubble shades his jaw, a truly rare sight, since he usually likes to keep himself well-groomed.

“I came here to apologize,” he says.

“For . . .?” I strut in his direction. Closing my hands over the ropes as my head peeks over the edge to look down at him. “You’ve done a lot of things to me, so forgive me if I can’t keep track of them.”

His chin tips up and his lips disappear for a moment, curling behind his teeth, braving himself for what he’s about to say.

“That night, during the finals . . . when you got hit—” His eyes shut briefly, his entire body shuddering at the memory.

When his eyes open again, they are dampened with dread.

“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt. I swear, Sienna, I really didn’t see you coming. And when you were lying there, unconscious, it felt like the worst moment of my life. I’m so sorry for putting you in that position and I’m really glad that you made it out okay.”

It’s hard for me to tell whether Jax is lying or not. I was with him for three years and it was a struggle that left me in limbo for a long time.

But now it’s never been so clear. I know his words are sincere.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” I say. “But thanks for the apology.”

“I just wanted you to know that I never wanted to hurt you like that. It killed me this past month knowing that I fucked up with you so many times,” he says in a strained voice. A knot forms in my throat at the tormented expression of his features. “I know what I did with your sister was horrible. I had a good relationship with you, and I had to fuck it all up. But I never stopped thinking about you. Never stopped loving you.”

Oh jeez, not this again.

“Jax,” I start, hopping over the ropes and landing on the ground so I can finally level with him, eye to eye. “This is the last time I’m ever going to say it, so I need you to listen carefully. You don’t love me. At least, not in the way I deserve.

I deserved a selfless kind of love. Still do.”

I think back to what I had with Kayden, and how despite being with him for a brief period of time, it had beaten anything that I had with Jax by a long shot. To be loved by Kayden had been so simple yet fulfilling—from the way he told me how he felt about me to the way he touched me, protected me, uplifted me. I had never known what it felt like to be consumed with real love until I met him.

“You can’t have everything you want in life, Jax,” I say, a frown curving my mouth. “You’ve hurt a lot of people and that’s not okay. Maybe you need a new start. Away from here, away from me and Beth. Fix what is broken inside of you and go find your happiness somewhere else.”

“How will I know what to fix if I don’t know which part of me is broken?” Jax croaks.

“I don’t know. But I can’t help you,” I tell him. “Because it’s not my responsibility to fix you. I tried fixing you for the past three years and it never worked out well for me.” I flick my hand at him. “You got issues, Deadbeat. And I cannot be the person you go to when you get scared to face them yourself.”

He nods and looks away, faint lines crossing his tan forehead as he ruminates on my words. Jax has done terrible things to me, and yet in this moment, as I wait for the anger to arrive—

It doesn’t come.

All that arrives is pity.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us, Sienna,”

Jax says, hands sliding into the pockets of his pants. “I really am.”

“I don’t think we were meant to last anyway,” I say as I glance at him. “We were just convenient for each other at the time. If anything, you helped me become who I am today.

And maybe what happened will shape you into becoming someone else too. Someone better.”

Tags: Claudia Tan Perfect Romance
Source: readsnovelonline.net