Shiiiit.
“I told you he was a Houdini. Maybe you should give him to a farm or something so he can live the rest of his life safely?”
Ren’s lowered his eyes to my arms, where the worst of my cuts were. “There was also blood on the pillowcase.”
“Maybe he cut himself and used it to stem the bleeding? You should take him on a talent show, you’d wow the American people with that party trick.”
My brother crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me. Avoiding eye contact, I fought against the impulse to rub over the stinging scratches that covered me from the middle of my thighs to my chin. That was one pissed chicken when he didn’t get his own way.
Finally, unable to put up with his staring, I shouted, “Okay, fine, I caught the little clucker. He was right outside my window, Ren, and I still swear blind he gets into my house and crows right next to my ear.”
Shaking his head slowly, he lowered his arms. “Clean those cuts up, and next time, just yell at him to go home.”
“I’ve tried that,” I ground out. “Crispy’s an asshole who—”
His laughter stopped my rant mid-sentence. “You nicknamed him Crispy?”
“Well, it’s technically Extra Crispy Recipe, but Crispy for short.”
Still laughing, he moved past me to the door. “It suits him, I like it. Now, go clean the cuts and get ready for work. I’ve got to check in on Cole and fill him in on what he did yesterday.”
A glance at my watch showed it was still really early. “Are you sure you should wake him up this early? It’s not even six o’clock yet.”
“After yesterday, I’m tempted to lock him in a room with Crispy for a whole week. Mom and Dad’s phone hasn’t stopped ringing.”
“How come?”
“Some of the people who were in the waiting room are slightly traumatized by what they saw. There have been complaints from people about the minister being quiet and not as talkative as normal, some of the kids have been drawing things that look like something out of the movie The Ring, and a couple of the older women want us to contact them the next time he has medication.”
“Gross!”
“Yeah, so he’s got some shit coming to him.” The smile on his face said he had something prepared.
“What did you do?” I asked suspiciously, pointing at his face. “You’ve got that evil big brother look.”
“Oh, nothing,” he said breezily as he walked out of my house. As he got to the bottom step of my porch, he shouted over his shoulder, “But he’s got some great texts waiting for him. The security at the hospital were nice and sent me a copy of the footage from their cameras. Can you believe one was pointing right at Cole when he bent over?” I gasped and covered my mouth.
“We also got some from the camera pointed at the junction where he hit the stop sign and made him into a gif.” At that, he turned and walked away from me, heading toward our brother’s house.
Better him than me. There are some things you’d never recover from, and that’d be one of them for me.
I’d just finished cleaning up after my final client before lunch when Jacinda came into the room.
“How’s Cole after yesterday?”
“They finally released him last night after the worst of it passed.”
Her lips twitched, but I couldn’t hold it against her. “Did he really bend over and show the hospital his ass hole? That’s the rumor, but there’s also one that he wrote his name with his ball sack on the glass window next to the waiting room.”
Sadly, that wasn’t an impossibility.
“No, he did that last year. This time, he was proving he could touch different parts of his body, and when he got to his knees and toes, it kind of went wrong because he didn’t have any underwear on.”
Jacinda choked on a chuckle that she tried to repress. Pressing her fist against her mouth, she breathed deeply. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to sound like a bitch, so I’m doing my best not to laugh.”
“Go ahead. Unless you’re the new minister or one of the people traumatized by it, it’s kind of funny.”
She covered her face with her hands as her shoulders shook this time. “Stop! I heard the minister hardly slept last night, and he ordered more holy water.”