“The kids?” Mark and I asked simultaneously, both sounding confused.
“Oh, I like this idea,” Grams crowed. “I have some good ones.”
“Mom, I’m confused.”
She winked at the grandkids, who were happily talking amongst themselves.
“Well, I like to look at life as a lesson in karma. The guys are due some tonight, so we’ll help it along.” She sat back and added loudly, “Let me tell you about the time we went to Disney World, and Tom showed off the new underwear he just had to have.”
“No!” Tom screamed from the kitchen.
Glancing in that direction, I noticed their wives—minus Sabine—were now standing in the doorway, watching us with gleeful expressions on their faces.
“Ignore him,” Ebru ordered. “Your words are important to us.”
There was more shouting, but Mom, having had years to become numb to it, continued regardless.
“So, we’d gone to Walmart the day before to pick up some stuff for them, and Tom had seen a pack of underwear with Disney characters on it that he just had to have. We tried to talk him out of it, but he threw the world’s biggest tantrum and burst into tears. With everyone looking at us like we were cruel parents, we threw it in the cart and checked out.”
I could see Tom glaring at us over the top of the ladies’ heads, but I knew he’d rather chew his arm off than risk hurting any of them or the kids by pushing through the wall they’d made with their bodies. Smart!
“While we were walking around the park, he came across Donald Duck and decided to show him he was his favorite character… By flashing him his new panties.”
Mark shifted awkwardly next to me. “Kind of sounds like something most kids do, Colette.” He stopped, and then his head turned slowly to where Tom was glaring at Mom. “Wait, did you say panties?”
“I did.”
He didn’t look away once from my brother, whose eyes were now focused on him. “Not tighty whities or boxers?”
“No, my son had a pack of panties from the girls' section, all in a variety of pastel pinks, purples, and yellows. My favorite one was on the last day, and he had on a pair that—”
“Don’t you dare,” Tom bit out. “You swore.”
“Did I? I don’t remember that, do you, Linda?”
Grams shook her head. “Drawing a total blank on that promise.”
My brother’s gasp was hilarious. “You evil, betraying women, formerly known as Mom and Grandma. From now on, when people ask me if we’re related, I’m saying no.”
It was weak, but he loved them more than life and would never say anything that’d cut them deep.
Grams pumped her fist in the air. “Yes!”
“Oh, thank God,” Mom cried, putting her hand over her heart and looking up at the sky through the glass ceiling. “You’ve been listening all of these years.”
Not to be distracted from what would be one of the best moments of his life, and he knew it, Mark motioned at Mom to continue. “You were saying, Colette, before you were rudely interrupted.”
“Oh, yes, so on the last day, he tells us all he’s wearing his favorite pair of underwear and that he’d been saving it for that day. We’d just come off a ride, and one of those photographers caught us as we walked in front of the castle.
“Of course, we did what most people do and posed as a family, but then Tom asked to have his photo taken on his own. Just as the guy pressed the button, he spun around, pulled his shorts down, and pointed at his butt.”
Mark rubbed his hands together. “What character was on them?”
“There wasn’t one.”
“Don’t say it,” Tom clipped. “Don’t you dare.”
Mom shot him a look. “I’m not an amateur, I still have the photos as proof.”