6
Summer
It’s morning now.
Another day has dawned.
Another day has passed since my sister was killed.
I haven’t been to L.A. in over a year, and this state of grief and despair wasn’t how I hoped to come back. I never imagined being here without Scarlett either or living in a world where she was no more.
Wearily, I sit up and gaze through the window. In the daylight, the scenic view of the city looks the same way it did in the darkness.
I’ve been looking for some sort of change in the world. Something to acknowledge it’s lost one of its best, kindest souls, but everything is the same. The sun still comes up in the morning and the moon at night.
I rub my hand over my puffy eyes, which feel more swollen today than they did yesterday. I can imagine how I must look. I hardly slept last night.
Sleep was the furthest thing from my mind after I spoke to Eric.
I only made the bed and lay down because I got so drained from the weight of my worries. I must have drifted off a few times but not deep enough to be considered actual sleep.
In my wide-awake moments, I thought about Dad and seeing him.
When I closed my eyes, I saw Scarlett on that morgue slab. Then I imagined Robert shooting her and what she must have gone through. I imagined the pain and agony of knowing it was her final moment.
I know I took my sister for granted. I took her love for granted because a part of me felt entitled to it.
I spent my life trying to keep her safe, so when the shit hit the fan after Mom died and Scarlett tried to reach out, I thought I was owed something.
I wasn’t. That’s not how love works. My sister tried so many times to show me she loved me, especially when I told her the truth about our asshole stepfather.
I miss her so much, and my heart keeps shattering every time I try to accept she’s not coming back.
I can’t even grieve properly because I have to figure out what I’m doing with
my here and now.
Although I have no choice, I still haven’t settled my mind on a plan of action.
Last night I decided I was going to see Dad. Not today, though. I need time to prepare. Seeing Dad is going to be hard. It’s going to stir up memories from the past I’ll never be able to lay to rest.
How I would love to run away.
It would be like when I went to Monaco.
This time I’d run further and change my entire being. I’d do whatever I had to become someone else. I wouldn’t be Summer Reeves anymore, and I’d make sure no one could find me.
That, however, is just a dream of escape. Even if I could run, the reality is I wouldn’t get very far. Not with Eric Markov’s watchful eyes on me.
There have only been two times in my life I’ve felt this conflicted and worthless. The first was on the eve of my sixteenth birthday. Mom kicked me out of the house when she found out I was pregnant with her husband’s child.
The next time was when I lost my baby.
Both times were as life-changing for me as this current situation.
Marquees’ words keep ringing through my mind.
Don’t let your sister die in vain.