“What the fuck?” he fumes. “Rachel, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to cause any trouble. I just… there’s rarely a week that goes by when Dad isn’t breathing down my throat for one reason or another. It’s always something I’ve done and this is possibly the longest that he’s gone without bitching at me.” I’m hoping today’s news will place me in his good books.
“Jesus Christ Rachel, no, that’s not acceptable and that’s no reason to not tell me. What about Allen? Has he been bothering you?”
I shake my head and smile. I like when he gets so protective of me. “He hasn’t, not since that day when you promised him his funeral.”
“Good. You’re… father liked him for you,” he points out.
“I know, but I didn’t like him for me. I like you.”
He holds my gaze with that hesitant stare I’ve been seeing every now and again. It puts me on edge and makes me nervous that he’ll end us.
“What?” I ask seeing his continued hesitation.
“I might not always be here Rachel,” he answers and my stomach clenches.
“What do you mean?”
“Can you keep another secret? I feel like this is one I should be telling you.”
“Of course.”
He takes my hands into his and strokes the top of my skin.
“I’m leaving Rachel, maybe another month or two tops. I want to see this project through for your father and then I’m out.”
My lips part and then I swallow hard. “Oh my God… you’re serious. You’ve always worked for Dad.”
“Yeah, and turned away a lot of opportunities. This job may take me away a lot and I’ll be travelling backwards and forwards between here and the Caribbean. I might not get to see you as much as I want to, that doesn’t mean I want you to wait around for me.”
Tears sting the backs of my eyes as emotion grips me. “I would wait.”
“Rachel… you’re a bright young woman and you have your choice of men. The same way I don’t want you settling for being here I don’t want you settling for me.”
I don’t know how he could say that to me. “I’m not settling,” I say shaking my head. “I really want to be with you.”
“And maybe I want to be selfish and keep you with me.”
“That sounds fine to me.”
“Depends on what we are baby, I don’t know how long we can be a secret. Look at you… I don’t know any man alive who’d want to do that. I’m no different.”
“Then don’t.”
“Think about what you’re saying Rachel. I know your father isn’t going to be happy about it. I don’t think he’ll forgive me if he finds out.”
The dark dread that comes into his eyes makes guilt weigh heavily on my heart.
I’d feel terrible if that happened. I’d feel so bad if I came between their friendship. And it follows that if Dad would be so furious with him, he’d be the same with me too.
“Come here, baby,” he says crooking his finger for me to come to his lips. I do and we kiss. It’s a sweet, sensual kiss that makes my heart skitter.
I don’t need to think about anything to know what I want. The answer is still the same.
I want him.
Nothing else and no one else matters.