“I’m sorry… what are you going to tell me? I swear I won’t judge,” I rasp.
“Okay… you know how I was the first in the group of us to go to The Dark Odyssey?”
“Yes.”
“I went there with Paul and that’s where I … lost my virginity. To him.”
My jaw drops and I don’t know how it doesn’t hit the ground. I already feel weak and lightheaded. “What?”
“Yeah. We used to hook up there a lot when our parents were together. It was easier than the house.”
My mouth is still open. I can’t believe what she’s saying to me. “Jesus, Rachel. Holy fuck. You’re kidding me.”
“No… I was stupid and foolish. I thought that it was real, but he’s an ass. he ended it when he joined the marines and then our parents split. I’m always wary of any disagreement because he’s the kind of guy who’ll hold it over my head or something. I don’t want him telling my father.”
My shoulders relax. “Jia, you can’t worry about that.”
“I know it’s bad, but he plays dirty and if he wants something he’ll have it. I can’t be like that. No matter how bad I want the building. I think Dad favors him because he never had a son and he just doesn’t really think about what I want.”
That reminds me of my father. He treats his boys better than me. I won’t make this about me though. Jia’s obviously upset enough to tell me what’s going on and tell me such a big secret.
“How about you just see what happens and maybe it could go different to how you think it will.”
“Yeah. I hope so. I’m just… not looking forward to Paul’s return at all . he always insists on spending time with Dad when he’s on leave. This time will be worse because he’ll be back for good, and that means meet ups where I have to smile and pretend he didn’t hurt me.”
It sounds like he really hurt her. “I’m sorry Jia. Why didn’t you tell me about this before? You seem really cut up about it.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. Of course it was a secret and we were just supposed to be messing around. But… then it wasn’t for me. It’s okay… I’m fine. I want to hear the latest with you and Dante. What’s happening with you guys?”
It’s nice to talk about Dante but if she’s not okay I would prefer to be the listening ear if she needs me. that’s what she’s like though. She’ll shut me down when I get in too close or too deep.
Because I know that it looks like I’ll have to do my best to be there for her when Paul gets home.
“Dante is going to tell Dad about us at the fundraiser,” I tell her and she brings her hands together in delight, grinning from ear to ear.
“Yayy… oh my God. That’s fantastic.”
I nod but then I bite the inside of my lip and she realizes that I’m worried.
“It’s great,” I say. “But I know it’s going to cause problems.”
“You need to forget those worries. I’ve watched you love Dante since forever. If people can’t be happy for you then that’s their problem.”
Her words give me strength.
I carry them with me into the next day as I feel worse sick.
I attempted to go to work and it was a disaster. Nothing I ate stayed down. As soon as I ate anything I had to run to the toilet.
At one point I felt like I was going to die, like the time back in college when I drank too much and suffered the consequences of my actions the next day.
That’s how I felt now but worse, except I haven’t been drinking.
On my last run a thought hit me from the crazy vomiting because of how weird I felt. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a period. The thought just struck me.
The contraceptive pill I take allows you a period like normal but your still protected as long as you take the pills like you should, meaning not missing any days. I don’t remember missing any pills.
I always take them at the same time every day like clockwork.