needed to be the one in power. I needed to know that pain
could feel good. That it could be pleasureful. It was actually
my therapist who suggested it, so that I could learn to heal.
I’m not sure she meant for me to take it as far as I did and
have, but she made me learn how to be comfortable with who I
am. She helped me realize that not all sex is bad and that being
forced was and always is wrong.”
Claire hadn’t realized she’d stopped looking at Haley again
until she was just a breath away. She blinked, confused for a
second. Her vision was swimming. God, it had been so long
since she’d cried. She’d always thought tears were pointless
because they changed nothing, but her eyes were hot and
grainy now and it didn’t feel pointless.
Haley swiped the tears away as they fell, the pads of her
thumbs so soft and gentle. “Claire,” she whispered. “I’m so
sorry.”
If there was ever a time that Claire felt like breaking down,
it was now. Her insides twisted into a sickening mass, and she
could feel the past festering. Old wounds didn’t heal. They
didn’t ever heal.
Haley ran her fingers through Claire’s hair. She didn’t step
closer. She didn’t pull her into her arms. She kept her distance,
trying to give Claire respect, not forcing anything, but Claire
needed her. She needed her close. She needed Haley like she
needed air. She felt like she was floating away, scattered into
tiny little pieces, and Haley was the only thing holding her
together.
“I understand,” Haley whispered. “I get why you did what
you did. Now. All these years later. Why you never forgave
him.”