I put too much pressure on you.”
“Mom! No. That’s not what this is.”
“Of course that’s what this is!”
“It’s not!”
“Then what is it? You’ve suddenly discovered that you
have a passion for your friend? That you have a crush on her?”
“No, Mom. I’ve known that this is who I am for a very
long time. Since I was in high school. This…isn’t the first time
that I’ve tried to talk to you about it. That I’ve tried to make
sure that this is what I want. I know that this is who I am. I
know that I’m never going to be able to get married to a guy
and have kids with him and have this blissfully happy life,
because it’s a lie. It would always be a lie.”
“You just need time. You’re exhausted. You’re
overworked, teaching these summer classes.”
“I’m not.”
“You haven’t really…before…”
“Yes, Mom. I have. I know that I’m not attracted to
men. I went on dates with guys, but it was never right. I
always knew that. I forced myself, because I wanted to be like
everyone else. I wanted to fit in. I didn’t want to stand out. I
wanted to please everyone. I didn’t want to hurt you and Dad.
I-I’m scar
ed about this too. Not about it, but about what people
are going to say and how they’re going to react.”
“Oh Lord Jesus.” Mom puts her hand at her throat. She
never blasphemes, so this is really, really bad. It’s the first time
I’ve ever heard her say it.
“Mom! I’m still here. I’m still the same person. I’m
still your daughter.”