“No,” she answered William. “I’d rather not; it’s just going to make it that much harder when she leaves and it’s already hard enough. At least now, I’ve basically started my post-Megan life. Anyway, this is all my fault. I’m the one who broke the rules of our dumb fling. I should have put a stop to the sleepovers; I should never have invited her to spend that Sunday off with me; and we shouldn’t have even gone to that stupid beach house together.”
And I sure as hell should never have fallen in love with her.
***
Three days later, Vanessa was in the back room of La Vida Mocha blowing out yet another frustrated breath while looking at her laptop’s screen. The computer may as well be showing her gibberish for all Vanessa cared because she hadn’t been able to focus on a single thing since she came in here.
Well, she had been able to focus on one thing.
Megan.
It was late morning and out in the main room of the coffeeshop Chloë and Luli had the place humming nicely as they dealt with the tail end of the morning rush. With those two handling things, Vanessa had come into the back to deal with some administrative stuff but then had gotten sidetracked with thoughts of Megan.
She hadn’t heard from Megan since Monday night, nor had she reached out herself. What was the point, really? Megan was leaving and if it wasn’t obvious already that she didn’t have strong feelings for Vanessa, it was fairly fucking obvious now.
It was well and truly over, Vanessa believed, a fact which had made her cry herself to sleep every night so far this week.
She felt fresh tears beginning to form thinking about it now, but she refused to start crying because she didn’t want Chloë or Luli seeing her upset. The three of the
m had a business to run. Vanessa’s business. The one she had told Megan she was so super-focused on that there was no way she could get involved in anything more than a fling.
Just as well, really. There truly was too much at stake here for Vanessa to be getting her mind and emotions turned around by any woman. If she lost La Vida Mocha it meant starting over for her. Back to the corporate world, working for someone else. No, thank you. Nope. From now on, Vanessa was going to stick to the script: no relationships. And if she did want to have a fling again, she’d sure as hell be sure it was with the type of woman she could not possibly fall in love with even if that woman was the last one on Earth.
Chapter 42
“Let’s call it a day,” Sophia told Megan, that same evening.
Megan smiled wanly and nodded.
“Yeah, I like that idea,” she said.
“Are you okay?” Sophia asked. “I know these sessions we have are a little long and boring, but…”
“Soph, I’m fine, really,” Megan answered. She liked Sophia tons but they had never gotten particularly close during their time working together. Certainly not close enough for Megan to open her heart to the older woman about Vanessa. “I’m just a little tired because of all the packing I’ve been doing each night.”
“Okay, if you’re sure you’re fine.”
“I am. Thanks for asking.”
The women said their goodbyes and the Zoom call ended.
And then like every other day so far this week, Megan burst into tears.
For each of the past three days since her split with Vanessa, Megan had had to bottle all her tears inside while spending what seemed to be endless hours on Zoom calls with Sophia going over what was needed in order to get the New York operations up and running. It was only after the calls ended when Megan allowed the dam to burst. And when it burst, it stayed burst. It was probably an exaggeration but Megan was certain that the only times over the past few days when tears weren’t falling from her eyes were when she was fitfully asleep at night.
She’d not heard from Vanessa at all after Monday night and with each passing day it hurt more. But she couldn’t bring herself to reach out to Vanessa either. Vanessa obviously considered what they had shared to be nothing but a fling and so what was the point in contacting her? To tell Vanessa she was in love with her? Oh, sure! And be laughed at? No, thanks!
But Megan knew Vanessa wouldn’t laugh, that wasn’t her style; she was far more considerate than that. Lovely and considerate. But she also knew Vanessa wouldn’t just fall into her arms and profess a deep love for her either.
Not for the first time, Megan wished she was already in New York. Three-thousand miles, that’s what Megan needed. Three-thousand miles of continent between her and the woman she loved instead of a five-minute drive that consisted of three lefts and two rights. But the thought of there ever being three-thousand miles between her and Vanessa just made Megan cry that much more.
And the dam stayed burst.
When she became aware of her surroundings again, Megan was shocked to realize it was dark.
Oh my God, what the fuck! How long have I been sitting here?
The clock in her home office told her it was after eight p.m.