Too tired to continue and not wanting to disrespect her, I bowed out and waved the white flag. “I appreciate the opportunity, mom, but I don’t want to talk about this anymore especially not with Jacolby involved. You feel a way about her, and I can’t understand your reasoning why nor am I willing to sit here and let you tear down her character without tearing down mine because that’s how closely intertwined I am to her. What it sounds like you’re doing is giving me an ultimatum of having the dream job or my heart and as my mom, I never thought you’d take on this image of a woman I don’t recognize. Good night.” Pushing back from the table I marched out snatching up my bags and climbing the stairs. Throwing my bags wherever they fell, I sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands.
I refused to sacrifice my love for Jacolby to appease my mother. I couldn’t do it.
* * *
“You’ve beenquiet all night. Wanna tell me what’s on your mind?” Running the tip of her nail along my jaw, she leaned in and pecked my lips until I gave her a small smile.
Jacolby and I were at the park having a picnic. One of the things that Jacolby did that I loved is that she reciprocated the love she wanted to receive. It wasn’t all about how I could romance her but how she also romanced me. For instance, today’s date was her idea. She called me and told me to get dressed and be ready at a certain time. An hour later she was picking me up in her bright yellow and pink 55’ Chevy Bel Air that her dad gifted her for her twenty-first birthday months ago.
We drove around a bit until we got to the park where a picnic basket of all my favorite foods and drinks was waiting on a blanket. She even had a Bluetooth speaker hooked up to play my favorite songs. I loved moments like this. Moments that were just filled with her and me in our own world with no distractions.
Eyes closed with my hands in her hair and her on my chest, I felt so much contentment but dread at the same time. Honestly, I’ve never been anything but and I wasn’t about to start filling our relationship with lies and dishonesty because my mom and her fakeness had me on an emotional rollercoaster.
“My mom is retiring next month and offered me the position of CFO.” Holding my breath, I lay there stiff as a log waiting for her response.
I didn’t have to wait long. It came in the form of her loud squeals and raining down kisses all over my face. “OMG, Paxton, I’m so happy and excited for you. Babe, that’s huge. Wow. This is so amazing.” Using her strength to pull me up she wrapped her legs around my waist and cupped my face. Those happy tears glistening in her eyes shot me dead in the chest.
“Why don’t you seem excited, Pi?” Her smile slowly slipped as her thumb tried to ease the crease in my forehead.
My mouth opened and closed several times before I gave up and buried my face in her chest. Her sweet-smelling perfume had the other side of my brain on full alert. Why couldn’t life be simple? Why couldn’t I just live like this – wrapped in my woman with the warm sun cloaking us?
“Paxton, talk to me. What’s wrong? Do you not want the position?”
If only she knew.
Thankful that she wore shorts and not a dress so I wouldn’t use our position to distract her with sex, because I really wanted to get her off the subject, I placed several wet kisses on the top of her chest. “I do want the position, but I know it’s not what we want.”
“What do you mean?”
Without admitting my mother’s hesitation that she was the woman for me, I broke down what becoming CFO of Monarch would mean. Broke down how our plans to go back to Greensboro might not happen. It would just be her and not me. How we could start our dream company but it would be an umbrella company under Monarch since the connections and resources are already in place. After my rant I expected her to lash out and throw her thermos of red Kool-Aid in my face.
Nope.
Not my sunflower.
Back straight and hair wild, she smiled so damn bright and wide that my chest constricted. Her joy and happiness, her aura never changed. She was genuinely happy for me.
“I don’t see what the problem is, Paxton. Unless I’m missing something?”
Oh, she was missing a lot because I left it out.
“Aren’t you at all upset?” I damn sure was upset. For the last four years, our shadows have been one. Though we had roommates we never slept apart. Worked at the same company. Lived in the same city so I saw her on breaks. We’ve never been apart…at all.
I wasn’t ready for that.
I lived and breathed Jacolby Jefferson Jr.
And now I was going to possibly have to?
Nah, I couldn’t stomach that.
Her laughter sounded like angels singing. “No, I’m not upset. So what if I have to go back to Greensboro without you? It’s only one year, two tops. And you’re acting like Charlotte is that far. It has never taken us more than an hour and forty-five minutes to get here. I’ll come home on the weekends or you come to me.” She shrugged with ease like everything was okay when it was far from it.
“Jacolby, baby, I don’t want to only see you on the weekends.”
“Oouuu.” She perked up even more clapping her hands. “We can be pen pals and write love letters to each other. Babe, that will be so romantic and sweet.” My baby was a true hopeless romantic at heart.
Though her smile and words took away most of the hesitation I felt, a small voice in the back of my head told me otherwise. Shamelessly I agreed because I knew Jacolby would put forth the effort as I would, I just hoped we had this same fire when the roads became rough.