This morningI woke up confused and slightly irritated. My bills were paid so it wasn’t that. My lights were on, and I took my usual scorching hot shower. My closet had more than enough clothes to dress a mini village. Unworn shoes were still in the boxes and purses that I barely wore because I was a crossbody type of girl and I couldn’t seem to part with my current favorite one. I guess the moment of confusion happened when I woke up and touched the right side of my bed.
Cold.
Vacant.
Lonely.
When I turned twenty-eight in October, on Halloween to be exact, I promised myself, more like swore, that I would not throw another tantrum or a pity party because a glacier of a ring wasn’t on my ring finger, morning sickness wasn’t sending me running to the toilet, and I wasn’t any closer to being married than a nun being closer to getting her cobwebs knocked loose.
Just not happening.
But why not, though?
I had a thriving career. Knew how to compromise. Knew the definition of a Proverbs 31 woman. Barely lived it but that’s not the point. Had the best hygiene regimen on this side of the Chattahoochee River. Tithed like I paid child support. Not to brag or anything but I’m a good ass woman. I knew my worth and value. Raised on morals and honor. But no ring…
“I think you need to stop dreaming and start living. Or better yet, stop thinking that love is the end all be all. You see that I have a good man and we’ve been together for three years with love finally entering the picture in the lesser half of those years. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t.” Reese shrugged while I sat gapped mouth at her logic and was tragically stunned. “If y’all get along, bring in money, have fun together, and the sex is good. What else do you need? Why is love that important if everything else is crossed off the list?” Reese’s admission of her relationship and way of thinking made me cringe...terribly.
Three years with someone and y’all finally fall in love towards the middle of that time?
A relationship, basically a friendship, with everything but love?
Yeah, no. I’ll pass.
Beating me to the punch, Jalonie jumped in saying exactly what I was thinking. “We can’t go based on anything you say because you have yet to tell that man your real name or where you’re originally from.” Jalonie’s heavy eye roll and a kiss of her teeth aided in my low giggles.
I loved my tribe, I really did. We’ve been thick as thieves since the beginning of time which said a lot because that meant we survived each other. Sounds kinda harsh but that’s the truth. For instance, Latreese Bernice Eugene Jr. refuses to tell the world that her mother named her after her drunk of a grandmother. Yes, my best friend is a junior like me but named after her grandmother who told her son, Reese’s father, to force Reese’s mom to have an abortion. Reese’s mom refused and decided to name her baby after the old quack of a woman.
I guess when I look at it from that point of view, I’d change my name too.
When we turned eighteen Reese marched down to Mecklenburg County’s courthouse and legally changed her name to Reese Monique Brown. Not kin to nan of the Browns in the city but she decided to go with that last name. Then on top of the name change, she tells people that she grew up in the upper-class part of Harrisburg instead of telling them that she grew up right smack in the middle of South Oaks right near South Mecklenburg High School.
Chilleee my friend has been fibbing about her life all her life.
Tapping her Swarovski studded almond nail against the table, Reese narrowed her eyes at Jalonie before grinning. “I have no recollection of who you are referring to, Jalonie. Far as I’m concerned God favored me so much that he gave me two lives and I don’t have to speak on my past life because I am a stranger to those people and that girl.” Her shrug and hair flip was all so diva-ish and extra.
Adjusting her arm full of bangles, Jalonie snorted. “Girl, please. We know who you are.” Leaning her upper body across the table, her honey-brown eyes became thin slits. “Is that why you won’t marry the man yet? Because you’re scared of your family embarrassing you? Damn, Reese. That’s some shallow shit.”
That was another thing.
Reese and her man, Anthony Graham, have been together for three years, engaged for one, and she refuses to have the grand ‘meet-the-parents’ dinner. Besides meeting us he hasn’t met anyone in her family. Not her mother or her daddy – the two people who she talked to frequently. Anthony’s been asking every holiday and she refuses to make it happen, so he refuses to walk down the aisle unless she gives him a reason why.
Simply put, her family puts every dysfunctional definition into ghetto, ratchet, and coon. Yes, coon. You have black people, coons, and niggas. Her family is straight niggas and coons. Can’t take them anywhere and they will embarrass the piss out of you without regard to how it will make you look. For those reasons alone I understood her stand on it all.
“Enough of me and back to you, Ms. Fairytale Love.” Oh gosh, here she goes. Pushing her half-eaten salmon salad to the side, I knew from the grin on her cheery red lips that she was about to start with me, and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with a nosey and judgmental Latreese Bernice Eugene Jr. a.k.a Reese Monique Brown.
Sipping my lemon water ever so elegantly, I tilted my head, ready for whatever she had to say. “How can I help you, Latreese?” She could talk about me living in the lala land of love all she wanted to.
Those mink lashes were about to fall off with all her blinking. “How long has it been since Nate asked you to be his girlfriend? Hmm, is this the kettle calling the pot black? We all know that the only reason you’re even entertaining him is that you know he’s someone that your mother will approve of. When are you going to stop trying to please mother dearest and go after what you want?” Ouch, ouch, and ouch some damn more.
All I could do was sit there pouting like a damn child. Nothing she said was false nor the furthest thing from the truth. Nate Morris and I have been seeing each other for over six months and I refuse to label us. Refuse to make it official because I wasn’t sure if he was my person. Reese could skirt over not wanting love in her relationship all she wanted but that was a non-negotiable for me.
Though I was younger than Jalonie by a couple of months thanks to us being Irish twins and had been a legal grown adult for some time, our mother, Scarlett Jefferson, had a way of making me shrink into a little girl especially when it came to the men I dated. Jalonie has always been that free-spirited child that does whatever she wanted. Our parents were lax when it came to her life decisions since she hadn’t gotten pregnant or been arrested. But for me, it was a totally different story.
For some reason, everyone thought it was a crime for me to have standards. To aspire to marry for love and not financial or reproductive gain. Ever since my first relationship in college ended after I graduated it seemed no one was good enough for me unless his last name was Reid.
“Leave her alone. Jacolby is a true hopeful romantic through and through. I applaud her for that because unlike some people I know.” Jalonie aimed her fork at Reese. “At least she desires to marry a man that loves her just as much as she loves him and not because his last name is prestigious and one of Cornell’s favorites due to alumni donations.” These two were vicious and unapologetic about their comebacks.
My relationship with Nate wasn’t a secret. I told them everything, though in instances like these I regretted it. “He and I are still getting to know each other.” What more did they want me to say?