“I do?”
“Uh huh.”
I hold back a smile. “What else?”
“I like baseball and you’re always up for playing catch or being the pitcher.”
“I am?”
He nods quickly. “Uh huh. Also, you never mind when we get into trouble at school and you treat mom real nice, cause she’s a good mom, and she works hard and sometimes she gets sad.”
My smile turns down, and my brow wrinkles. Elijah’s eyes widen then he closes his mouth tight, like he shouldn’t be traveling down that road.
The urge to ask my ten-year-old why his mom gets sad is almost unbearable. But I’m not, repeat, I’m not going to go there with a kid. I’ll ask Jamie.
I nod then stand and hold out my hand to Elijah. He looks at me in surprise, then takes my hand and stands. His small hand is warm in mine, and he grips me tight.
I look down at him. “Are you sure I never mind when you get in trouble at school?”
Elijah grins at me, bold as brass, and says, “’Course. You don’t mind at all.”
I cover my smile by rubbing my hand over my jaw. “I see. Well. Let’s go back in and finish dinner.”
When we come back into the warm, cornbread and chili-scented kitchen, my eyes go immediately to Jamie. Does she look sad? Does she look tired?
I can’t tell. I don’t know what she usually looks like. All I can see is a bit of worry in her eyes that fades when I smile at her.
She squints at us. “Everything okay?”
I sit down and reach across the table, brushing my fingers over her hand.
“’Course,” I say, echoing Elijah.
But it isn’t. Because when my fingers touch her bare skin, a raging river, one with a wild current, rushes through me and nearly pulls me under. It’s hard to breathe. It’s impossible to pull my hand away.
Is this what I feel every time I touch her?
Her eyes fly to mine, sparks lighting in the lavender blue, like fireflies at dusk.
Her mouth parts and she draws in a sharp breath.
My word.
If it feels like this when I touch her hand, what does it feel like when we make love? Suddenly, it seems impossible that we only have three kids.
How is it I’m sleeping on the couch?
How is it we haven’t kissed since she came for me?
How is it we haven’t touched?
I don’t know. But I’m going to find out.