Is this what it feels like to have a family? Was it always this way?
Jamie’s car door shuts with a loud click. And I look back at her, walking toward me. Her lavender blue eyes are taking me in, taking in everything around us. The low-hanging gray clouds, pregnant with rain, ready to water the earth. The wind flipping the leaves on the trees, and the tall grass bending like waves on some faraway green and blue sea. The air smells like rain and tastes electric and expectant. In fact, expectancy hums in the air around us. Even the old moss-covered house, with only the porch light on, feels as if it’s waiting. Waiting for someone to come in and turn on all the lights and bring life and laugher inside.
Jamie walks toward me, the wind bending the grass before her. Her red hair tangles around her face, her cheeks are pink, and I realize that in my whole life, I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful. And I never will.
I could travel the whole world, visit countless countries, and I’d never find anyone as beautiful as her.
When I saw her in the hospital I only noticed her worn-out, cheap clothing, her thinness, her too-red hair, her accent. Now, those things aren’t even in my mind. I just see her.
The real her.
She stops in front of me and I smile. “We’re going camping. Just like our honeymoon.”
She blinks. “Our…oh.”
She shakes her head and I reach out and take her hand. “Have we been since?”
“No. We’ve never gone camping.”
“That’s a shame.” I tug her closer and look down at the tenseness of her full lips. She’s so worried. “Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. Maybe when we’re out in the woods, we can stay up late, after the kids are asleep in their sleeping bags, and we can recreate the last time we were out.” She stiffens, and the breeze pulls more of her hair free from her braid. I shrug. “Or we could make a new tradition. We could lay on a blanket near the fire, look up at the stars, listen to the fire crackle and pop, and I could kiss you, probably for hours if you’d let me.”
I reach up and touch a finger to her cheek. Her skin is cold and unlike me, she looks like laying out under the stars, making love is the worst thing that she could imagine.
“What’s wrong?”
She looks over my shoulder, toward where Tanner is directing Elijah and Shay in a new project at one of the piles of tires and pulleys and gears. She breathes in a long, careful breath and then focuses on me. My heart misses a beat because for some reason it looks as if she’s about to tell me…goodbye.
“Thank you for what you said at the school.”
I let out a quick exhale, I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath. I’m dizzy with relief. “Of course. I meant what I said.”
“I know. I know you did.”
Her mouth quivers and I run my finger over her bottom lip. “Jamie. I love you. I love the kids. I’m always going to be here for you.”
She closes her eyes. Her eyelashes brush over her skin. I move my finger, rubbing her lip. Then I bend my head and brush my mouth over hers. She tastes like running free, like starlight, like everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
Her eyes fly open and she draws in a sharp breath.
Slowly, she steps back. The wind draws at her hair again and she pushes it from her eyes. “I had something to tell you.”
I nod, ignoring the heavy feeling in my chest. “Go ahead.”
She looks toward the barn. “Let’s talk in there.”
Once inside, we flip on the lights and the silence, free of wind and crackling leaves, surrounds us. The lights shine down on all the glass and the space is so perfect, so wonderful, I can’t believe we didn’t do this before. The new paint smell leaves me with a content feeling. We did good.
Jamie had her first sale today, the kids are happy, and everything is looking up.
I take Jamie’s hands in mine. “What did you have to say?”
Her mouth firms and she nods, like she’s gathering up courage. “Remember how I told the kids that you shouldn’t try to pay people back for the wrongs they do?”
She looks at me earnestly, so I nod. “Sure. I agree.”
“Okay…well…we, I, we…jeez.”
I move closer, looking down at her tense face. “Jamie, it’s okay. Just tell me.”