“Aunt Ivy, can I have another bowl of cereal?”
I fix Tanner another bowl and take Lilly out of her highchair. Rubbing Orajel on her gums, I pray that it’ll prevent the same problem from yesterday. I give her a quick bath and put her in a fresh pullup and clothes.
The Minnie Mouse potty seat seems to be mocking me from beside the toilet.
How in the hell am I ever going to be able to potty train a kid? When do you even start?
A problem for another day.
Tanner has already moved a pile of toys from his room to the living room, the big screen TV playing a video of some overly excited kid talking about the new toys he got. It takes me way too long to realize it’s a YouTube video and that Tanner has figured out how to use the smart TV options on the television.
I grab a couple of Lilly’s toys for her as she wobbles over to her brother and tries to take his toys. I place them in front of her and she leaves Tanner alone for the time being. I lie on the couch, watching over them as I play with my phone, pulling up Instagram.
Unsurprisingly, the first person to pop up on my feed is Crystal, someone who I once considered my best friend. It became clear after she abandoned me when I needed her the most that she was little more than an acquaintance. I shake my head as I look at the multiple pictures of her doing shots and making out with other partygoers. A couple of weeks ago, I would have been in the pictures beside her.
I click on her profile and my finger hovers over the unfollow button, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I know I should, Patricia encouraged me to delete and unfollow all of my partying buddies. She said, as long as I was continuing to attach and connect myself to them, I’d never be able to truly let go of my past.
I click off of her page, not hitting the unfollow button.
I’ll do it another day.
I scroll through my favorite celebrities’ stories for another fifteen minutes or so.
“Aunt Ivy?”
I peep over the screen of my phone. Tanner is sitting cross legged on the floor, an action figure tossed haphazardly next to him. “Yes?”
“I’m bored. I want to go outside.”
I glance out of the closest window. It’s a bright, sunny day, not a cloud in the sky. “Fine. Go put your shoes on.”
The words are barely out of my mouth before he’s running through the house towards his room.
I grab Lilly. “Looks like we’re going to the park.” She pulls at my hair and I smile at her. She looks so much like Kylie with her pretty brown eyes and every time I look at her it pulls at my heart. Tanner and Lilly both have brown skin from their father, but their features are all Kylie.
At times, it makes it harder to look directly at the kid, but it also reminds me that there’s still parts of my sister with me and I must take care of them.
I can do this.
I dress Lilly in a purple shirt with a panda on it and purple shorts, knowing it’s over eighty degrees today.
When Tanner comes out of his room, he gives me a wide smile and it makes me relax some. “Ready, bud?”
“Yes ma’am.”
I grab my purse and fasten Lilly into her stroller. I try to remember if there’s anything else we need, but I come up blank.
Stop worrying, you have everything.
It’s a stressful thing, taking care of kids. I always feel like I’m going to forget something important. My grandma says the feeling will start to lighten up, but I will forget things and when I realize the world isn’t going to end because of it, things will be easier.
“Does my new school have PE?” Tanner asks halfway to the park and I look at him in confusion for a moment. I should be used to his random thoughts at this point, especially when it pertains to his new school.
“Yes, it has PE,” I answer.
He nods. “And the food? Is it any good?”
I laugh at that. “I don’t know, Tanner.”