CHAPTER THREE
Ineed a cigarette.
My fingers itch for the little stick of nicotine.
Just one won’t hurt.
I let out a laugh, rubbing a hand over my forehead. This is why I don’t have any in the house, because I know I’d tell myself it’s only one until the whole pack is gone and I’m sitting here trying to figure out what happened to them all.
For the last twenty-four hours, I’ve been anxiously waiting on a knock at my door from the police. Child endangerment or neglect. They could easily arrest me for one or the other, tacking on assault for the ice cream cone I threw at the infuriating man.
So far, no one has come.
“Aunt Ivy, time for baseball practice.” Tanner stands in the doorway to my room, his brows wrinkled. He has on a t-shirt with a dragon on it, basketball shorts, and a backpack with a bat sticking out of it rests on his back.
“Shit.” I press my lips together tightly but it’s too late to stop the curse. I give Tanner an apologetic look but he seems unfazed as he bounces on his toes. “Sorry, I almost forgot.” I get to my feet, running my hands through the mess of curls on my head, but I know they won’t be tamed.
“Give me one second.” I move to the adjoining bathroom, grabbing a brush and water bottle. In the mirror, my brown eyes stare back at me and stressed is the only way to describe the look in them but it’s not a surprise. That’s how my life is now, always stressful.
I sigh, managing to tame my hair into a somewhat decent ponytail.
I throw a cap on and pull the ponytail through the hole in the back of the cap. Tanner still patiently waits in my doorway. “I’m ready, bud.” I do my best not to wake Lilly from her nap as I get her out of her bed. She wiggles in my arms but otherwise remains asleep.
“Grab the sunscreen,” I direct Tanner and he gives me a thumbs up when he gets it.
Tanner straps himself into his seat while I work on Lilly’s car seat. Getting all the buckles done is still a bit of a struggle, especially since the little girl seems to be quickly getting too big for her current seat. Regardless, I’m still able to get her strapped in much quicker than the first time I tried which ended with Tanner instructing me on which buckle does what. A part of me thinks the eight year old is a godsend. He seems to understand that Aunt Ivy is a fuck up who has no idea what she’s doing and any help he can give is well received.
I gently close the door to my green Kia Soul and quickly get in the car. I turn the radio to a pop station and slowly pull out of the backyard, looking for any running dogs or asshole owners.
When we get to the practice field, which takes me five minutes of driving up and down the street to find, I’m surprised to find we’re actually early. There’s only a handful of other kids and parents, but the coach doesn’t appear to be here yet.
I direct Tanner to put on sunscreen as I unstrap Lilly and place her in her stroller. Taking a seat in the steel bleachers, I watch as Tanner hesitantly approaches the group of kids who are already throwing the ball together. He stops halfway there and turns around, looking at me.
It takes a second for me to realize he’s nervous and afraid to approach the other kids. This is his first time playing for this team and the first practice. Yet it’s clear from the comfortability of the other kids and their parents that they’ve played together before.
“How about I throw the ball around with you for a while, bud?” I offer. Lilly is still peacefully sleeping, the hood of her stroller pulled over to protect her from the sun.
His eyes brighten and he gets his ball from out of his bag.
I move over to an open space and gesture for him to toss the ball to me. He does and I nearly drop it, not expecting him to throw it so hard. I shake out my hand, wincing as I stare at the nails that are in serious need of a trip to the nail shop. I throw the ball back to him and he throws it back again with just as much force.
“Geez, Tanner, some of us aren’t as good as you, so a little less force would be awesome.” Despite my words, I smile at him and he returns it. Growing up, Kylie was always more athletic than I was. Every sport I tried, I quickly quit. I was much more interested in doodling in sketch books and vandalizing private property with graffiti.
We continue to throw the ball back and forth as I also manage to keep an eye on Lilly’s stroller. It’s as I’m checking on Lilly that I see a ball hurtling at my face from my peripheral.
Shit.
I tense, closing my eyes and bracing for impact but it never comes.
“You’ve got an arm there, little man,” a deep voice says from beside me.
I slowly open my eyes to find a man holding the ball that was just coming at my face. He’s looking at Tanner as he compliments him before tossing the ball back. Tanner easily catches it and offers the man a smile but I can tell from the way his shoulders drop a little that he’s nervous.
The man turns to look at me finally and I suck in a sharp breath, as I recognize the ocean blue eyes staring back at me.
They only watched you as you had a meltdown yesterday.
There’s a flash of recognition in the man’s eyes as he stares back at me but he doesn’t start calling me a madwoman, so I take that as a positive.