Today is going to be a good day. I lift up my chin so Melissa can get the fabric properly looped around. A great end to a fabulous weekend. I had sex with my beautiful, wonderful girlfriend. Not once, but twice. I smile, moving my head in the direction she’s just asked me to, in order to get the tie in the collar of my dress shirt.
And my dad didn’t ruin it. While part of my heart sinks at the realization my dad really doesn’t give two fucks about me (except when it involves my money), I’m not surprised. He stopped being a passable dad to me (he was never a good one) long ago, but I’m still happy he didn’t ruin anything. I’m happy he didn’t call or text to the entire weekend. And I’ll be happy to spend as little time at his place than I have to.
I’m less than company to him anyway. I’m a fat, lumbering ATM who just happens to be his son. With that being the case, it’s about time I left him on his own. Mom made that choice when I was four years old. It’s about time I followed her example.
****
True to her promise, Melissa and I do stop for coffee and donuts on the way to work. But I decide I’m going to wait to eat or drink any of it until I’m up in the office. Knowing me and my clumsy hands, I’m more likely to get coffee and donut on my nice, new clothes rather than in my mouth.
Melissa looks concerned. She says I should try to eat something before going into the office, knowing how Vanacore likes to keep me hopping from the moment I get there, but I decide to keep my course of action. I want these new clothes to stay new and nice for more than an hour after putting them on.
Melissa says she’s still not sure that’s a good idea but doesn’t push it further. She continues to drink (her mocha latte) and drive, taking a bite of donut at stoplights, but doesn’t say anything until we get to the parking lot, and she pulls into her space.
After she parks and shuts off the engine, she looks at me. “You’re still going to go through with it?” she asks, sounding like she has cramps, not worries.
By “it,” I know she means the escalation of my “evidence gathering” with Vanacore.
“Yes, pet,” I say, feeling my stomach begin to ache as well. “I need to keep going with it while I have her where I want her. Wrapped around my finger, and totally convinced I feel the same way about her as she does me.”
Melissa sighs, looking pale. She doesn’t say anything, only shakes her head slowly.
I put my hand in hers, which is still on the parking brake. “Look. I don’t like this any more than you, okay?” Melissa’s eyes meet mine. “I really don’t. But I’ve already decided to take it this far. If I back out now, if I start acting all cold turkey and skittish around her, she’s going to get wise to something. She’s going to get forceful, and I don’t want forceful. Neither do you,” I add, seeing Melissa blanch further. “Look. It’s not what I thought I was going to be getting myself into when I got this promotion, but now that I’m in a position to do something about her, now that I have the power to get Vanacore out of her abusive sweet spot, I have to at least try.”
For a long moment, Melissa doesn’t say anything. She just sits with her head hung, and one hand on the break, one hand on the steering wheel. When she does speak, it’s with her eyes to mine again. “Fine, love. You’re a braver man than I, but I don’t like it. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I want you to be safe.”
“So do I,” I say, picking up her hand and kissing it. “I want us all to be safe from people like Vanacore.” With that, I unbuckle myself and get out of the car. The moment I’m standing out in the sunlight and air, something inside tells me to look up toward the building, toward a section of windows, I know I belong to Vanacore’s part of the office. I don’t see anyone or anything there, but I’m still cautious. Feeling wary and nervous.
I turn back to the car, grabbing my coffee and bag of donuts. “I’m going to head inside now, Melissa,” I whisper. “Wait until I text you to come out. Your parking space is right under Vanacore’s window. I don’t see her there, but something tells me to be careful. To have you wait, okay?”
Melissa nods, looking more green than white now.