She didn’t even lock it. Either she’s given up, or she doesn’t care anymore. Just thinking that I could have diminished the light inside of her has my stomach in knots and my chest aching. My eyes move to the bed where I find her sitting, legs pulled tight to her chest, arms wrapped even tighter around them. It’s like she’s giving herself the world’s biggest hug.
She doesn’t even look up as I enter the room and close the door behind me. Nor when I walk over to the bed and sit on the edge of it.
“I’m sorry, Ava. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve disappointed you and myself. I… I hurt you and that wasn’t…” I don’t even finish the thought because it was my intention, it had been all along. I wanted to hurt her, but only because I thought she was the cause of my pain, my misery.
“Don’t lie. You wanted to hurt me.” She lifts her head, tear-streaked cheeks and watery eyes coming into view. “You wanted to see me broken and you promised to do it. Well, you’ve succeeded. Vance Preston has broken another girl’s heart. Congratu-fucking-lations.”
The bitterness in her voice feels like small knives digging into my skin.
“I won’t lie. I did want this. I wanted you broken and hurt, but that was…” It feels like I’m going to barf. “That was before I realized it wasn’t you that did this, that caused my misery.”
“I told you it wasn’t me,” she croaks, more tears slipping down her face. I want to take her into my arms and kiss the pain away. My body reacts to that thought before I can stop it and like a crazed animal, Ava slaps at my hands.
“Don’t touch me,” she grits out. “Don’t ever touch me again.”
Then she shoves me hard, her tiny hands burning into my chest. And for the first time in my life, I know what it feels like to be heartbroken. Her balled up fists rain down on my chest like hail falling from the sky, but I can’t bring myself to stop her. I want her to hurt me. I want to feel every ounce of pain that she feels. Somewhere in the back of my head, words form, and I know I need to say them even though I don’t understand why or how I feel them.
I don’t deserve her, but I have to tell her.
“I love you, Ava. I love you,” I whisper into her ear, unable to stop myself from wrapping my arms around her.
She laughs humorlessly, struggles in my grasp and bucks against my hold. I just want to hold her, to glue all the broken pieces back together again.
“Well, I hate you,” she growls, and then lifts her knee, hitting me hard in the nuts.
I release her immediately, pain radiating through my cock and up into my stomach. I grab onto my balls, gritting my teeth through the pain as she stares down at my hunched over form.
“Love isn’t supposed to hurt, Vance. If you loved me, then you would’ve believed me. You wouldn’t have had to wait to hear the truth from your father. I’ve been telling the truth all along. I gave you no reason to believe that I was a liar. So you can think that you love me all you want, it’s too little too late.”
Fuck, I knew it would hurt to hear her say something like this, but I never expected for it to feel this bad. The blood in my veins turned to tar, struggling to make my heart beat. I’d never regretted anything in my life as much as I regret hurting her.
“I’m…” My voice cracked, and her pretty lips, the ones I so badly wanted to kiss even right now curled, anger spiraling out of her, filling the space between us with heavy heartache.
“I don’t want to hear your apologies, in fact, if you’re truly sorry then prove it by leaving me alone. My life was perfectly imperfect before you came along, and it will be long after you. You might have broken my heart, but you will never break me.”
She doesn’t need me.
She doesn’t want me.
I knew that before I walked into her bedroom but hearing it and thinking it are two different things. Then again, I wasn’t selfish enough to worry about that right now. It’s a mere blip on my radar. I just wanted her to know how sorry I am. So fucking sorry…
“I’ll make it up to you.”
I straighten, my nostrils flaring as I breathe through the pain in my balls. She wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand and swallows, her throat bobbing as she does.
“Don’t.” Disdain as dark as the night sky drips from that one single word. “I don’t need or want your half-hearted apology.” She shoves me backward and I nearly trip over my feet. It feels like I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff, my life in her hands. “You can stop pretending to care. Leave me alone.” She shoves me again, and this time, I take the hint and walk away, retreating backward toward the door.