“It’s okay to be frustrated and angry about it. I know I was, our father was, Zerro was.” Was he trying to justify the lies?
“It’s not okay. It’s not okay I was fed lies from the start and it’s not okay I missed out on nearly twenty years of my life.” My words twisted the knife that had been put in my chest. Saying the words made it true.
“Stop, Bree,” Zerro commanded. He knew I was right there, right on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I was feral with rage.
“No. You know nothing. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how much it hurts,” I cried out as my hands gripped my hair. It was all a lie. A big huge fucking lie. It felt like everyone I had known was laughing in my face.
“Shhh,” Zerro whispered in my ear as I lifted my head taking notice he had crossed the room to sit next to me. I had no words. Nothing could fix this mess, a mess that had been started far before my time.
“I can’t believe….” I said in disbelief repeating the same sentence over and over again in my mind.
“You can believe it. You will believe it. You will acknowledge it and move on because you’re stronger than this. You have lost so much, but you have gained so much, too.” My tears secretly escaped my eyes as they slid down my cheeks like the truths that slipped from Jared’s mouth.
“I’m not strong enough to do this, Zerro,” I cried into his chest, allowing him to cradle me. I didn’t care I was breaking down in front of Jared. I couldn’t cope with this anymore. I couldn’t handle the pain that shook my body.
“You’re strong enough, Piccolo… You’re stronger than anyone I know…” His voice was so gentle and made me want to beg him for forgiveness even though I knew I didn’t have to. He had killed John because he deserved it.
“I hurt you… The things I said…” I cried harder and tears saturated his shirt. I couldn’t handle the betrayal I was feeling. John may have planned to sell me out, but Zerro had been there. I may never have been a part of his plan, but I was now… He had saved me.
“Shhhhh…. We all say things out of rage and anger. When I told you I was indebted to you, I meant it. Our fates were sealed before we were even thought of…”
“But….” I tried to say…
“No, but, Bree. Neither of us knew what was happening. I hurt you after you saved my life, and even if John wasn’t your father, I know there is a part of you who loves him regardless, and I ripped that part of you to shreds. I let my anger and my need for blood to get in the way of it all. Even if he deserved to die, I shouldn’t have done it that way.” Regret was rooted deeply in his voice. He was never sorry. He was never caring if he ripped people from their loved ones.
“How can we move on…? So much chaos, lies, and betrayal have taken place.” I was mumbling my words as I spoke into his chest. His body was warm encasing me in a protective shell. In his arms, I felt right at home as if this is where I had always belonged.
“I’m going to go call my dad,” Jared said dismissing himself. I didn’t look up to say anything, not even a thank you. I wasn’t sure if I could ever thank him for freeing the secrets that would tear me apart only to build me back up.
“None of this is your fault, Bree. No one blames you. We had no choice in any of this. Life has a way of making choices for us.” His words were making my heart pound. I gripped his shirt tighter, wondering what to do next. I had no home, nowhere to go and no family—none that I knew at least. I was supposed to be hiding, and I knew Zerro killing John put the FBI on our backs, and with Mack still looming out there somewhere, I knew our deaths would be inevitable.
“What do we do? This clusterfuck we call life is falling to pieces before our eyes. You have lost your whole family to death, as have I. Are we next? Is this all we live for? Revenge? Hate? Anger?” I was on the verge of a panic attack. Zerro adjusted his hold on me, pushing me at arm’s length so one of his hands could cup the side of my face.
“If anyone has taught me life is more than just death—it’s you. Life is so much more than what I thought it was. I was simply going through the motions, breathing the air, and waiting until the last moment when my heart would stop beating. We can overcome all of this.” He was convincing. He was more than convincing, but I had just been ripped apart.
“I need time. I need sleep. I need to be alone.” I could barely believe myself as I said the words. I had never wanted to be alone in my life, but now more than ever I needed to be. I wanted Zerro, but I needed to piece this puzzle together. I needed to know where he and I fit in it—if we fit in it together at all.
“Okay, that’s fine. Just tell me you’re okay. Tell me no one hurt you while you were being hidden. Tell me everything inside of here is okay,” he said pointing to my heart. Was everything okay in it? Placing his lips against my forehead, he whispered, “I know I’ve hurt you. I put your life in danger. I could’ve had us both killed numerous times. I threatened your life back at your childhood home, and I want you to know it killed me to hurt you. It ripped me apart inside. Your heartbeat is my own. Your voice my own. Your fears my own. You’re mine, and I will never do anything to jeopardize that again.”