“True, but you didn’t want to be married to me either. Don’t forget that I read your diary, so I know all your little secrets.” He stopped long enough for the waiter to give them their menus. “How about I make a proposal?”
Alex looked up at him, not exactly sure what he meant.
“I don’t want to have a marriage that is … like all the ones I know. They’re filled with…” He stopped talking and looked past her shoulder.
“Loneliness. Pain. Deceit. Betrayal.”
“How do you know that?” he asked.
“No one talks to me. It doesn’t mean I don’t listen to what everyone else has to say.” She shrugged and glanced down at the menu.
“Is that the marriage you want?” he asked.
“You mean to hate my husband, to dread him coming home, to be afraid to even talk to him? Yeah, sounds like a real dream.” She rolled her eyes. “Of course, I don’t want that.” She shook her head. “Has anyone ever told you how annoying you can be?”
“I do get that from time to time,” he said, smiling.
“You look way too proud of yourself.”
“I didn’t think I’d enjoy this.” He pointed between them. “It’s fun.”
“I’m glad I somehow entertain you.”
“You truly do, and I can safely say it is a gift.”
She stared down at her menu, somewhat happy that she has been able to make him happy, which was crazy. Up until a few days ago, they never spent any time together, and when they did, whatever he had to say was critical.
“What do you want out of a marriage?” Roman asked.
“I honestly don’t know. I never thought I was going to get married, so I didn’t think I’d have to come up with an ideal part of it.” She sighed. “What about you?”
He held his hands up and started to tick his fingers. “I wanted a wife who was loyal. A good mother. Someone who doesn’t freak out at the sight of blood. Who can … handle this life.”
“Let me stop you there. I have no idea if I can handle this life.”
“You live with your father.”
“Only because I know what he does. I’ve not been … exposed to it.”
“I think you’re handling it a lot better than even you realize.” He went back to holding her hands, and Alex didn’t even realize she could have pulled them away from him.
“Why do you want this marriage to work so badly?” she asked. There had to be some other reason he was willing to keep this charade up, or to even contemplate making it work. It made no sense. She had given him an out. She hadn’t realized what that out would cost and the far-reaching consequences, but she had … tried. The thought of people dying just so she wouldn’t have to be married to him scared her. There was no way she’d be able to live with herself.
“The same reasons I want you to stay, Alex.”
She leaned forward. “I’ve heard the rumors about you, Roman. You kill easily.”
“I do what I’ve been trained to do, but that doesn’t mean I want to be responsible for the death of hundreds, if not thousands of people.”
“Thousands?” she asked.
“Do you think the only people who will get injured will be our men and yours?” he asked.
She held her hand up. “Stop it. I already said I wasn’t going to ask for an annulment or a divorce. I get it. If we separate, it’s bad news. Why all of a sudden do you want to … make this work?”
He shrugged. “I guess I came to the realization that I don’t want to hate coming home. I don’t want to look at you and see how disgusted you are with me. I’m not promising love. I can never love. I’m not capable of it, but I can be a good man to you.”
Alex frowned as she looked at him. Why? What? When? How? That was all that went through her mind. Part of her wanted to trust him, but another part of her, the realistic side of her brain, told her something else was going on. She’d been living with this man for two months, and they hadn’t been easy.