“Dad, calm down,” he says calmly.
“Calm down? You’re fucking your new stepsister in your stepmother’s kitchen!”
“She’s not my stepsister,” Conor reasons.
“Are you an animal?” Henry continues to bellow. “You shameless, spineless….” Unable to finish his sentence, he rushes towards his son, but Mom pulls him back, one of her hands still clasped to her mouth.
“Carrie,” she whispers. I dare to look up at her and see her staring at me with the same shocked expression. “How could you…?”
As if I’m a little girl again, I feel tears welling up in my eyes, my throat choked by the growing lump.
“With due respect, Elaine, she’s an adult. We both are,” Conor continues calmly, as if we’re talking about the weather.
“She’s a virgin!” Mom spits at him. “At least, she was! Until you got your dirty paws on her!”
“Mom,” I protest. But Elaine interrupts me.
“This is not what I wanted for you! And with your step brother too! Oh god, oh god,” she shrieks, growing hysterical.
“Can everyone stop calling us siblings? We met before we knew you two,” explains Conor, still cool as a cucumber.
“That still doesn’t excuse this… act! And in Elaine’s kitchen!” Henry yells, gesticulating around him. “It’s utterly disrespectful.”
The tears are rolling down my face now.
“Mom,” I splutter. But Elaine raises her hand, stopping me.
“I can’t even look at you,” she hisses, turning away. And my tears come in a sudden flood. Sobbing, I run out of the kitchen and bolt up the stairs to my room, like the child I’ve just been reduced to.
Sitting on my bed, I let my body be rocked by my sobs. I can hear a moment of continued yelling by Henry, and then, from outside, the revving of an engine. I rush to the window and watch with a sinking heart as Conor’s car pulls out and drives away. Tears run down my face because I know that I’m watching him drive out of my life.
Chapter Twelve
Conor
Fuck. I’m such an asshole. This is all my fault. I press my foot down on the gas and speed down the highway, away from Riverbend and towards my refuge in the city. I’ve gone from ending things with Carrie to suddenly needing the woman desperately. And all in less than a day. How did things get so off course?
I recall how she stood there, helpless, as Dad and Elaine judged us. Her full lips pressed together in shame, tears running down her beautiful face, her innocent eyes flooding with regret. And all because of me. All because I couldn’t control myself. I just had to test her. Shit, I just had to test myself, and now look what’s happened.
What have you proven, Conor? I press my foot down even harder on the accelerator, speeding past the cars in the lanes next to mine. That you want her? That you’re willing to humiliate yourself, Carrie, Dad, and Elaine? And for what, may I ask?
Maybe Dad’s right. Maybe I am an animal. Some type of deviant, incited by Carrie and her milky body. But that’s not it. It’s the girl’s personality too. Her gentle, innocent ways. Her brown, long-lashed doe-eyes and sweetly pouting mouth. She’s untouched, unlike the bleached blondes I’ve become used to. That purity, that eagerness, that honesty. It’s the exact combination in a woman that I’ve been looking for.
At least, now I’m finally able to admit it to myself. And with a sinking feeling, I realize that what I feel for Carrie is more than just lust. It’s something much deeper and sincere, something that tugs at the very core of who I am.
Because I’ve felt lust before. I’ve been attracted to women of all shapes and sizes, but I’ve never felt this savage need to fuck and claim a goddess like this, all the while with this urge to protect her. This empire Dad speaks of, these millions he wants to secure? What are they worth if I’ve got nothing to come home to? What if my life’s a fucking void, filled with visits to sex clubs and meaningless trysts with bottle blondes?
After all, business success is what Dad wants that for me. And I understand why. He grew up poor, and worked hard to make sure I’d be successful. But no more. This is my life to live, and I’m not gonna let some sixty-five year old dictator call the shots. I spot the nearest exit and do a quick u-turn, heading back to Riverbend.
It’s only nine p.m., but the windows in Elaine’s house are dark, and Dad’s car is gone. He must have gone home. I pull the car back out and start driving to his mansion in another part of Riverbend, where I grew up. I don’t relish returning there, even though my childhood was a fairly happy one, because the idea of confronting him in the same rooms where he so carefully planned my whole life will make it all the harder to get him to listen. But I have to. My plan is to sit him down with a glass of his favorite whiskey, and tell him why I can’t marry Clarissa. Or anyone else’s daughter for that matter.