“Tell me, Colvin,” she answered, leaning forward. “You can always tell me.”
He looked haunted. His eyes were full of emotion. “The Medium bids me do something.” He breathed heavily, his jaw trembling. “It is not what I wish. But I cannot mistake the intent of it. Every day the urgency grows stronger. The Medium bids me…it whispers to me with great urgency…that I must marry Ellowyn Demont by irrevocare sigil.” He licked his lips. “That I must do this before Twelfth Night at Billerbeck Abbey.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN:
Martin Evnissyen
For a moment, Lia was breathless. The force of the Medium rushing inside her heart nearly made her gasp, confirming what Colvin said to be true. It was her heart’s deepest desire to be his, and only his, and to hear it spoken from his lips caused a surge of pain and excitement she had never experienced before. The problem was that he did not realize that Ellowyn Demont was in front of him.
She tried to say it out loud, but her jaw clenched shut, swollen by the Medium before she could say anything. She swallowed, nearly choking on the words and looked down, struggling with her feelings.
“I am sorry,” he whispered in anguish. “I wish I could express to you my feelings. That I could make you see how it made me suffer, knowing…”
Lia put her hand on his and squeezed hard, silencing him. She felt tears in her eyes, tears born of frustration and hope. Blinking the tears away, she stared into his eyes, using every scrap of strength to push the thought at him.
I am Ellowyn. It is I, before you now. I am Ellowyn Demont!
He stared at her in confusion. “Say something,” he pled with her. “I have disappointed you so often. I cannot bear your silence. I deserve your rebuke. I deserve your scorn.” His eyes burned with emotion. “I love you still. But my heart bids me on another path. It grieves me to cause you so much pain.”
Lia shook her head violently, trying to master herself, to find safe words that she could speak. Instantly, she thought of the orb. What if she used it to prove to him who she was? As soon as the thought entered her mind, she felt a wedge of blackness divide her. Shuddering, she understood what it meant. That any attempt to thwart the Medium’s will would rob her of its use. The orb was the Medium’s tool to help her discover her own identity. But it would not help another to that knowledge.
Lia was desperate. If there was a way to find her father’s tome and undo the binding, she would be able to tell him then. If they could find it before reaching Billerbeck Abbey, then she would be free to admit the truth. Hillel would suffer, but Lia knew that Colvin did not love her.
“Tell me what you are feeling,” Colvin said, his expression one of tortured confusion. Yet she was not free to speak her true feelings. Her words had to be guarded and permissible.
With a quavering voice, she answered. “I am struggling with my words and my feelings. My heart bids me tell you that…” she swallowed, yearning to speak words that she could not, “…that you should. It is the Medium’s will.”
He looked at her in astonishment. “You encourage me? You are not hurt by this? It threatens to rip me in half. I do not love her. Yet still the insistence.”
Lia closed her hand on top of his again and patted it. “It is not for us to understand why the Medium wills something. We cannot see all things now. But I have learned to trust it, as you taught me to in the Bearden Muir. When you were abandoned at the Abbey, we did not perceive this moment. Yet we were supposed to meet. I believe that. I will trust that all will happen for the best.”
His eyes looked doubtful. “You are stronger than I am, then. I will do what it commands me to do. It means that we can only be friends, Lia.” He stared at the ground, mastering himself. “You are stronger than I.”
No, just wiser, she thought. She reached out and touched his cheek. He looked up at her. “Trust the Medium, Colvin. Trust it. I know you are tired. I will watch over you while you sleep.”
He looked at the window. “It is nearly dawn now. You should go while there is darkness to conceal you. You must find where they are keeping Ellowyn. The sooner we leave this awful place, the better. She sleeps late and then studies the tomes with the king and the Aldermaston. Then the dancing again. I will wait for you tomorrow night and you can tell me what you have learned.”
Lia nodded and squeezed his hand. He squeezed hers in return and the swollen expression on his face made her heart ache. Even though she had given him leave to marry Ellowyn, the thought of it clearly tortured him.
His voice was husky. “You must be careful, Lia. Take very great care. Do not let them find you.”