Weeks had passed since Andrew’s birth, and I seemed to be getting worse.
There were times when I became so weak, I almost called Sofia to apologize. I wanted to tell her it was all a mistake, that I couldn’t live without her. I wanted to text her and ask for pictures of Andrew. I wanted to return to Rome so I could make love to her.
I couldn’t do any of those things…and they were torture to think about.
Could I live like this forever?
Maddox and I continued to work together like nothing had happened. He was just as obnoxious as always, but he dialed down his intensity so he was somewhat tolerable. I wondered what would’ve happened if I’d killed him in my office.
Would I have gotten away with it?
Or would Sofia and Andrew be dead right now?
I sat on the balcony outside my bedroom and watched my brother sitting across from me. He’d stopped by for a visit because he was in the city. His large shoulders covered the back of the chair, and his tight t-shirt showed off all the muscles of his arms and chest. He eyed the bottle of scotch in the center of the table and grabbed it without looking for a glass first. “I knew you were gonna look like shit, but I had no idea you would look this bad.”
I stared at the table. “What did you expect?”
He shrugged. “Not sure.” He took a drink. “How are things here?”
I was living in the underworld…and I wasn’t even the king. “I almost killed Maddox last week, but Damien stopped me.”
“Good thing he was there.”
I still wondered what would’ve happened if I’d gone through with it. Did Maddox have spies in my own office? Did he always have an escape plan anytime he was near me? I wouldn’t put it past him. “I spat on his shoe.”
Ash cocked an eyebrow.
“He wiped it up with his finger…and then sucked it.” I’d seen a lot of terrible shit, but I’d never seen anything so disgusting in my life. I’d dealt with a lot of bad men, but they were logical and respectable. This guy was just a lunatic.
“What the fuck?” Ash stared at me blankly before he cringed. “Who does that?”
I shrugged before I took a drink.
“Is this guy in love with you or what?”
I shrugged again. “I have no fucking idea. He is obsessed with me, that’s for certain. He says we’re the same.”
“Same, how?”
“He killed his mother… I killed my father. We’re both in the same business. Even when we weren’t partners, he never wanted to kill me. If anything, he wanted me to succeed. He’s practically indifferent to Damien, but he can’t get enough of me.”
“Is he gay?”
“No idea. I’ve never asked him anything personal.”
“But do you ever see him with girls?”
I shook my head.
“Maybe he wants to be you.”
“I don’t understand him, and I don’t want to.” If he wanted to be me, that was just odd. And if he was in love with me, I never wanted him to think I felt the same way. It was best just to leave it alone.
After minutes of silence, Ash changed the subject. “I saw Sofia last week.”
I knew he’d gone to see Andrew, but I never asked him about it.
“Your son is cute, man.”
Thinking about him nearly brought tears to my eyes. “Thanks.”
“She told me that you left. Was really upset about it.”
No surprise there.
“Said you were a coward. But I set her straight.”
“You don’t have to defend me to her. It’s better if she hates me anyway. It’ll help me move on.”
Ash looked at me for a long time, a mixture of pity and sadness on his face. He rubbed his forefinger against the scruff along his jaw as he considered what he would say next. “Can you ever really move on?”
I walked through the bazaar and watched the fire dancers delicately place knives into their throats before they blew fire out like dragons. Black cobras hissed on the ground before they listened to the hypnotizing music of the performer. There were bonfires everywhere, belly dancers in the square, and camels being led to their next destination.
With my hands in my jeans pockets, I walked forward and ignored the solicitations from the carts and the flirtatious gazes of the gypsies. Since I’d been to the tent many times, I knew my way there. I turned when I saw the large pottery station, and I spotted it exactly where it had been before. Still purple and still abandoned. There was no one there.
I walked to the flap and let myself inside. Timeless, it was exactly the same. Oils burned and filled the tent with a suffocating scent. The wooden chair looked like it was on its last stretch of life. The reading cards were on the table.