I roll over on my stomach, cradling one of my pillows and type ‘Tristan Swallows’ into google. And I feel my eyebrows rise into my hairline when the first word I see in the first headline is ‘SCANDAL.’
What?
SENATOR’S DAUGHTER’S TEENAGE PREGNANCY SHOCKS THE WORLD.
I click on the first news article and start to read at the same time my heart starts to sink in my chest. The article outlines what happened: That Tristan Swallows had an affair with the daughter of a state senator. He left his family on the day she turned eighteen and married her. Sources claim there had been no sexual contact before that. She was pregnant within three months. There was an arrest and an investigation since people suspected that she might have been pregnant before her eighteenth birthday, but he was cleared of all charges. But there was so much blowback that the senator eventually resigned.
I find a dozen articles that say the same thing with varying levels of detail. Some claim that he had been sleeping with the girl long before she was legal. Some don’t.
How did I not know this? Tristan has a child? He was married? He’s never worn a ring, not as long as I’ve known him. What did I do? Is he still married now?
Fuck.
Now I understand why Jill said it might not look that good. Putting someone up for a bachelor’s auction when their first google result is a scandal with a possibly underage girl, it’s hard to see how that won’t turn into bad press. But she’s still willing to do it. So maybe she thinks it won’t be that bad?
I feel queasy, but also hesitant. What if I’m misinterpreting this? What if there’s more to it? What if they got the story wrong?
My thoughts start spinning a million miles an hour. Does my dad know about this? If he does, and he still chose to keep Tristan in his life, then that means something, right?
What does it mean?
I take a deep breath. None of this makes sense. I need to ask him about it. What happens if it is true? Does that change my opinion of him? It won’t change the fact that I’m in love with him. I’ve been in love with him for so long that it’s as natural as breathing. But if it is true…is this a pattern?
I need to talk to someone about this or I’m going to explode. And right now, the only other person that knows about this is Jill. And thankfully, my best friend is a morning person. If she’s not awake by now, I’ll be shocked.
Are you up?
Yep! Morning.
The panic in my chest eases a little.
I know that I used you as an alibi yesterday but is there a chance that we could actually get breakfast? I have shit that I need to talk about.
Are you okay?
I sigh. How much do I tell her right now?
I just googled Tristan because I had no idea what you were talking about. I didn’t know any of this stuff and I’m confused and mildly panicking and I would like to do that with you before I actually ask him about it.
She doesn’t even hesitate.
Meet me at the Pancake Parlor in twenty minutes.
Done.
Throwing the covers off, I jump in the shower to rinse off and pull on some clothes. Nothing fancy, just clothes. I’m doing everything with incredible focus so that I don’t have to think and I don’t have time to let myself ask more questions. That’s just a recipe for disaster.
One thing is for sure. Something doesn’t add up. And I think that’s what scares me the most. The lack of knowledge, not the scandal itself. Because as much as I appreciate now that Tristan and I weren’t together when I was younger, if he had so much as glanced my way, I would have gone for it with full force. I would not have cared that it were illegal.
I could barely make myself wait to approach him till I turned eighteen, so I’m not exactly one to be throwing stones in that department. But how did I not know this about him? How did I not know that he’s a father and has an ex-wife? Maybe?
I grab my keys and practically sprint out the door, not answering when Mom calls after me from the kitchen. I don’t have the energy to keep up the charade this morning—I can apologize to her later. Right now I need to have a good old-fashioned word vomit session with my best friend.
11
Nicola
It’s Wednesday. And I haven’t seen Tristan.
Have I been avoiding him? Maybe.
Partially because I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to say to him, and partially because I don’t know how the conversation is going to go, and for that reason alone, I don’t think that it can happen at work. I’ve only barely been answering his texts and throwing myself completely into my work.