LOTTIE OPENED HER EYES to the cold reality of a new day. Going into the bathroom, she held her hair back with one hand as she splashed cold water onto her face, roughly rubbing it dry before returning to the bedroom and looking around her.
She had made her decision and she was strangely calm. She was leaving. Leaving Monterrato and leaving Rafael. And this time there would be no going back.
She had spent the night thinking everything through as clearly as she could. Staring at the tangled mess of their relationship, she had forced herself to try and unravel it, following the thread, carefully picking away at the knots, refusing to stop no matter how painful it had been.
And the more she had unravelled the more obvious it had been. Rafael wanted her solely for one thing. To bear him an heir. She had known that right from the start—he had been brutally honest about it. But somehow the truth had got lost along the way, obscured by the fanciful notions insidiously creeping in, fooling her into thinking that he might actually have some feelings for her, that there might even be a chance of them reuniting as a couple.
But last night all those notions had been cruelly dispelled. Rafael’s vision for the future left no room for any silly ideas about happy families. And the truth hurt—more than hurt. It was an agony that would never, ever go away. Because when it came down to it that was all they had, she and Rafael, the one true constant that she could always rely on with their relationship. Pain. And hurt. And that was all Lottie could feel now.
But she knew she had to use that pain to give her the strength to leave now. Because strength was the only language Rafael understood—the only way to fight him. If she showed any weakness, let him see her true feelings, he would use them, twist them to his advantage, ensure that she would never be free of him. She had to be strong—for herself and the baby. He would always be its father—of course he would—but that didn’t give him the right to blight the rest of her life. Because that was how it would be if she stayed here. Nothing more than a half-life, constantly tormented by the love she had for him—a love that he would never return.
Walking around the bedroom, she gathered up her belongings, stuffing them into her suitcase. She picked up the oyster silk dress, holding it at arm’s length, watching the way the fabric shimmered down to the ground. Then, folding it over her arm, she took it over to the armoire and placed in on a hanger beside the other beautiful dresses that she would never wear again.
She caught sight of her reflection as she closed the mirrored door, shocked for a moment by what she saw: the dark circles under her eyes, the unnatural pallor of her skin. Yes, this was what Rafael Revaldi had done to her. Jutting out her chin, she attempted a defiant stance, balling her fists by her sides, practising the measured, authoritative way she would tell Rafael of her decision.
Just thinking about confronting him made her feel physically faint, but she knew it had to be done and it had to be done now. Whilst she still had the strength to go through with it.
Descending the staircase, Lottie strained to see if she could hear Rafael’s voice anywhere in the palazzo, but the only sounds came from the ballroom, where the cleaning up operation was obviously in progress.
He wasn’t in his office, or the dining room, nor in the grand salon or indeed the ballroom. Feeling increasingly sick, Lottie hurried outside. Standing at the top of the steps, she shielded her eyes from the low sun, scanning the calm vista with a thumping heart, as if Rafael might be about to jump out from behind a poplar tree at any moment.
She ran down the steps, round to the back of the palazzo, searching everywhere, anywhere she thought he might possibly be, getting increasingly frantic when there was still no sign of him. Where the hell was he? She could feel panic creeping over her, its icy fingers wrapping around her chest, restricting her breathing.
Finding herself at the edge of the woodland area, she stopped and took in a shuddering breath. A breeze had picked up and it whipped the hair across her face, catching it on her open lip, blurring her vision.
She would go to the graveyard. Go and see Seraphina—take a few minutes to calm herself down, gather her strength.
She shivered as she walked through the woods towards the chapel. The weak sunlight offered no heat as it filtered through the framework of bare trees. Finally reaching Seraphina’s grave, she slumped against the devoted angel, feeling the cold of the marble seeping into her bones. She wasn’t sure how long she’d leant there before a sudden noise had her heart thumping in her chest.
‘Lottie!’ Suddenly Rafael appeared from nowhere, crashing towards her. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’