“Don’t do what, Lissa?” he asked calmly. “Explain why I agreed to help Senator Kurk with the investigation? Or don’t tell you about the war I’ve been waging with myself about why I hesitated to answer your questions?”
Why was he doing this to her? Couldn’t he see it was tearing her apart just being in the same room with him and knowing they could never have a future together?
“None of it matters, Shane,” she said, trying desperately to keep her voice from cracking. “You can’t change, and I won’t settle.”
“Yes, it does matter, angel,” he said, his deep baritone wrapping around her like a warm cloak.
Knowing that he wasn’t going to leave her alone until she heard what he had to say, she pointed to his towel. “Do you really think this is the kind of conversation we should be having with you wearing nothing but that?”
“I don’t have a problem with it.” He moved his hand to release the terry cloth where it was tucked at his waist, causing her to go weak in the knees. “But I can take it off if you want me to.”
“N-no,” she said hastily, holding her hand up to stop him. “The towel will be fine. Just tell me what you came here to say, then leave.”
He motioned toward the lounge chair in the corner. “This might take a while. Why don’t you sit down?”
With her legs feeling as if they might not support her much longer, she conceded and walked over to lower herself onto the lounger. When he started to walk over to her, she shook her head. “You can say what you need to from over there.”
If he got any closer there was a good chance he would reach out and touch her. That was something she couldn’t allow to happen. If he did, she knew for certain she’d lose every ounce of her resolve.
She watched him take a deep breath. The movement of his rippling abdominal muscles sent a shaft of longing straight through her. Quickly averting her eyes, she concentrated on his suddenly serious expression.
“First of all, I want you to know that I’m not like your father, Lissa. I’m not driven to work every waking minute.” He shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my career and I’m good at what I do, but that’s just a part of my life. It’s not all that I am.”
“That isn’t the message you were sending the other night,” she interjected. “The way it sounded when you agreed to help with the congressional investigation, you couldn’t wait to get started.”
He nodded. “I know that’s the way it seemed, but I wasn’t taking the job because I couldn’t resist the chance to work. I took the job because I felt the need to run.”
It felt as if her heart shattered all over again and Melissa wondered how he thought his explanation was better than her assumption. “Y-you didn’t have to…go to those lengths to get away from me,” she said, hating that she could no longer keep her voice steady. “All you had to do was tell me you’d changed your mind.”
“No, Lissa, I wasn’t wanting to run from you,” he said softly. “I wanted to run from myself.”
Confused, she frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Let me tell you a story that might help clear things up,” he said. She didn’t understand how that was going to make his explanation any clearer, but she could see from his expression that he thought it was very relevant. “When my mom and dad got married and he brought her to Rainbow Bend, she told him she loved living there. And who knows? Maybe she did for a while.”
“Who wouldn’t love living there?” she found herself asking.
“After a few winters of being stuck in the house with no way to get out of the valley for several weeks at a time, my mom found it intolerable.” He gave her a sad smile. “You know, I can’t remember a night when she was still with us that I didn’t lie awake listening to her beg my dad to sell the ranch or, later on, threaten to leave if he didn’t.”
“Oh, Shane, I’m sorry,” Melissa said. “That’s why you kept warning me about being snowbound, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “I wanted you to know up front what you were getting yourself into.”
“Your mother wasn’t from around here, was she?” she asked suddenly.
“No, she was from somewhere in Florida,” he said, looking puzzled. “But why does that matter?”
“Because she wasn’t used to the type of weather we have here.” Melissa wasn’t excusing the woman’s behavior, but she was certain the differences in climates had to have come as quite a shock. “I grew up here. I’m used to deep snows and the difficulties that poses to traveling. She wasn’t.”