Secrets & Submission

Nodding, I crumple up the tissues and tell her, “Yeah. I was just …”

“Just grieving,” Kam finishes for me and I nod again in agreement.

“I have a distraction if you’d like,” Trish offers, pulling out the stool Kam previously sat in. She misses the comical glare he gives her and I nearly laugh again but it’s cut off when she says, “Did you see what the tabloids said?” Without waiting for me to answer, she turns to her brother to ask, “Did you tell her?”

As he shakes his head I ask deadpan, “Am I the reckless rich bitch whore again?”

“Not quite,” she says and passes me her phone.

“We didn’t make a statement, right?” I clarify with Kam and he nods, confirming, but then says, “They decided no statement was a sign that there’s love in the air.”

The first reads: Crazy Meets Crazy, Heated Forbidden Romance! and then I swipe right to read the second one: He May Be Her Bodyguard but Her Body Isn’t Guarded From Him …

Just beneath the second headline is a picture of me, soaking wet from head to toe, my bra visible beneath my dress as I grip onto Z and he looks down at me as if we’re about to kiss.

Did we? It was at the party; tensions were high, emotions even higher. I barely remember that moment. From the picture, though, it looks as if it’s a still from a romance movie. As if we’re about to kiss against the wall.

His expression is everything. It reads pure devotion.

“For real I thought he might have fucked you against that wall right then and there in front of everyone,” Trish jokes.

“If you could refrain from that, the PR team would appreciate it,” Kam comments dryly.

Trish laughs first and then I follow. For a moment, for one small moment everything feels like it used to. Then I hand her phone back and I remember it’s nothing like it used to be.

“You looked like you might be in love,” Trish says but her tone is slightly defeated as she watches me war with myself. I know my expression doesn’t hide a thing.

“So … are you two in love?” she presses lightheartedly and Kam mutters beneath his breath for her to leave me alone as he stacks all the papers on the counter back into one pile.

I don’t answer her but I know the truth. I love the way he makes me feel and I want him to feel this way too.

“You good?” Kam asks.

I hesitate to answer, glancing at Trish and then back to Kam. “… I’m better.”

With a rap of his knuckles, Zander stands on the other side of the glass. Tall, dark and handsome, in gray slacks and a thin black tie, he peeks in the window waiting rather than pulling back the sliding glass door beside him. I huff a small laugh as he looks through the window and signals by pointing to his chest. It means: Do you need me?

I blow him a kiss back. It’s our code for: I’m all right. There’s a sputtering in my chest as I’m caught in his gaze. It strikes me that he could have walked another few steps, but where he’s standing would be the first place he’d be able to see me.

“Your knight in shining armor for real,” Trish comments.

“I might have messaged him,” Kam admits. He adds, “I can keep her occupied if you want to see him?”

“I’m ‘her’ now?” Trish jokes at the same time that I respond.

“I’m good.” Z smiles at me through the window, gives a short wave and then goes back to the deck where he’s been talking with Damon. They’re making plans to present paperwork to the judge. Something that has to happen for the conservatorship to dissolve. It’s all so heavy and I wish it was just over with legally.

“That’s cute that he checks on you,” Trish states and then opens up the box from the French bakery I love downtown. She offers me a tiny cupcake but I wave it away. As does Kam. With a shrug, she leans back and bites into her morsel.

The emotions swing so wildly, I don’t know what to think anymore.

“It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?” I question Kam because he knows it all. He takes a moment, observing me and not answering right away. “I don’t know why I feel like this,” I admit out loud.

“Do we need to—” he starts and I can see the panic and worry in his gaze.

I cut him off, not wanting to cause him more stress than I already have. “This is me telling my friend … I don’t know why I can’t trust it. I think the moment I’m happy it’s going to be ripped from me.”

“Nothing is going to be taken from you,” Kam says, attempting to comfort me but it doesn’t work.