“Hand delivering your own paternity results?” I say to give him attitude, and he actually has the nerve to sneer at me.
“He was coming up at the same time I was, so I tagged along.” His lips contort into a fuck you kind of smile that has me wanting to slap the smirk right off his too good-looking face.
“Next time, buzz.” He gives me a confused look. “That way I can deny you access,” I explain. He hits me with a hard glare, and I shoot one right back.
“Real mature,” he mutters. I ignore his jab and take the envelope from the poor kid who looks unsure of what to do. I show him my identification and sign, then give him a tip. He thanks me and scurries off. Smart kid…
Before I can invite Nick in, he takes it upon himself to walk through my door. “Sure…come on in.” I slam the door behind me in frustration and immediately regret it when Reed starts whimpering. “Damn it.”
“What’s he doing here?” Giselle hisses, her nose scrunched up in disgust. Have I mentioned how much I love my best friend who totally has my back?
“I’m the dad,” Nick states matter-of-factly.
“No, you’re the sperm donor,” Giselle lobbies back. “A dad is a man who claims his baby and cares for him. You simply shot your load into her vagina. X plus Y equals baby. You’re the sperm donor, not Reed’s father.”
Nick lets out an annoyed huff, and I stifle a laugh. Reed’s cries quiet back down, telling me he’s fallen back asleep. “Would you like something to drink?” I ask Nick, my manners winning out over my desire to tell him to go jump off the GE building. He shakes his head, and I head to the kitchen to grab myself a bottle of water. Untwisting the cap, I chug half the bottle down, dying of thirst. Giselle and I just finished doing some yoga. I’ve been doing it since I was a little girl with my mom. It’s a great stress reliever, and a good way to slowly begin to get my body back in shape. I’m still in my workout clothes, and I’m hot and sweaty.
When I walk back out to the living room, Giselle is standing near the bassinet looking like a human watch dog, and Nick is on the other side. “Everything okay?” I come up next to Nick, and he’s looking down at Reed sleeping.
He clears his throat and steps back. “You named him Reed?”
“Yes, Reed Cameron Harper.” I make it a point to place emphasis on the fact our son has my last name. “Reed is my dad’s middle name, and Cameron was my mom’s.” He nods, and we both stand here staring at each other. I don’t know what to say, and he’s not saying anything either.
“Why are you here?” Giselle asks, breaking the silence. Nick ignores her question, glancing back down at Reed. Giselle and I lock eyes, and I shrug.
“I’m going to shower,” she says, but it comes out more like a question, asking me if I want to be alone with Nick.
“Okay.” I give her a tight smile. Once she’s down the hall, I turn to Nick. “Why are you here?” I repeat Giselle’s question, only this time he doesn’t ignore it.
“I never thought I would become a dad.”
“I never thought I would get pregnant from my one and only one-night stand.” I lean against the arm of my sofa, not leaving Reed’s side.
“I really thought we used protection.”
“Look”—I tilt my head toward our sleeping baby and give Nick a sarcastic grin—“it really doesn’t matter now. I’m assuming the results state you’re the father.”
“Yeah.”
“Great, glad we got that sorted out without having to go on Maury.”
Nick sighs in frustration, his eyes briefly closing. When he opens them, he hits me with a hard stare. The bright green in his eyes remind me of the fresh green grass in Central Park, the first sign of spring and warmth after a long, cold, white winter. Reed has his eyes. They’re still dark since he’s a newborn, but the emerald is already shining through.
I should say something, but I don’t. I refuse to make this easy for him. I didn’t ask to get knocked up, but here I am with a baby. I don’t regret having my son. I love him with every fiber of my being. But I didn’t plan or ask for this. My life has completely changed while Nick’s has remained the same. Every day I live in fear I’m going to mess up my son’s life. Make the wrong decision. What if he one day blames me because he doesn’t have a dad? Being a new mother is a lot of work. I’m exhausted. I’m emotionally and mentally drained. I’m doing the best I can, but I’m scared my best won’t be good enough.