I glared at my brother. The heat from my mother’s stare hit me almost instantly.
“What did you say to her, Brock Shaw?” my mother insisted.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s over and done with. I apologized, and she chose not to accept it.”
Ty laughed.
“Brock, I raised you better than that. Now, if you were upset that Blayze was over there, there’s no need.”
“Let’s just drop it, Mama, okay?” I asked, glancing over to Blayze.
She looked at my son and then back to me, her anger evident on her face.
“I walked in on a conversation, and I might have overreacted a bit.”
My mother rolled her eyes while my father sighed. Dad wasn’t much of one to give his opinion on too many things. He tended to let our mother handle things like her grown sons acting like bastards.
Blayze decided it was his turn to speak up. “I like Miss Lincoln. She showed me her horse. I’d like to visit her again. She’s real pwetty, and she has a nice smile.”
“Well, we know the boy has good taste,” Ty said as my folks laughed, and I forced a smile.
After dinner, I helped Mama clean up the dishes while my father took Blayze with him to check on the horses that were getting ready to foal.
It didn’t take long before my mother could no longer handle the silence.
“Lincoln is a sweet girl, and she can’t help what she walked in on. She doesn’t know about the . . . issues you have with that old house. The memories that surface for you.”
I swallowed hard. “It was just weird, seeing another woman there, in the barn, knowing she was changing the house and all. I let my emotions get to me.”
She glanced up at me, then back to the dish she was washing. “Maybe she’ll be able to exorcise some of those ghosts you think are still there.”
I picked up a plate and dried it. How could I make my family understand how hard it was for me to go back to that house? How the memory of me failing at my marriage because I was a selfish bastard hit me like a punch to the gut every time I went near the place? “Out of sight” is supposed to be out of mind.
“You regretting selling the house?”
“No,” I said, not even needing to think about it. “I have a house.” Dragging in a deep breath, I said, “Maybe I should bring Blayze out with me for a few weeks. It would be nice to be around him.”
My mother nearly dropped the bowl she was washing. “What? Take him out on the road with you? Brock, that’s no life for a five-year-old boy. What in the world are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking I miss my son. I’m thinking that you, Dad, and Ty are the ones raising him. It should be me.” That familiar ache of guilt coursed through me. I wanted to be with Blayze; I needed to be with him.
One more championship. Just give me one more.
She turned to face me, her wet-gloved hand resting on her hip. “Where is this coming from?”
I shrugged. The last thing I wanted to do was mention the fight with Ty from earlier. I hadn’t even been home for an hour, and the two of us were going at it.
“Maybe you need a break. You’ve been doing this since you were seventeen. Maybe it’s time to stop. Blayze needs you, Brock.”
I looked into her eyes. I knew I was being selfish. Old mistakes were hard to break, after all. “I love bull riding, Mama. I’m number one in the world right now. I’m making good money and building a secure future for me and Blayze. I just need a couple more years.”
Shaking her head, she faced the sink again and grabbed the bowl she’d let drop back into the water. “I’d think you would have learned your lesson by now.”
My eyes widened in shock. She’d voiced exactly what I had been thinking. “What does that mean?”
She cleaned the bowl like she was trying to rub the finish completely off. “What does that mean? What does that mean?” she yelled as she dropped the bowl again and faced me. “It means, you have a son, Brock. A young man who needs his father, and all you can think about is how you’re number one right now. Or how the next bull you draw is going to be the one you get that perfect score on. How good you feel with the adrenaline rush you get. You’ve always put those damn bulls first in everything, while your father and I are doing our best to help raise your son.”
I felt my face drain of color as I stared at my mother. I chose to ignore the reference to me putting bull riding before Kaci. “Why haven’t you ever told me before that you don’t want to help with Blayze?”