"I have to stop him,' I said, wriggling from her grasp. "He has to pay.' I reached for him again.
Sonya gave up on physical restraint, appealing to words instead. "Rose, he has! He's dead. Can't you see that? Dead. Victor's dead!'
No, I didn't see that--not at first. All I saw was my blind obsession, my need to get to Victor. But then, her words broke through to me. As I gripped Victor, I felt the limpness in his body. I saw the eyes that looked blankly at ... nothing. That crazy, churning emotion in me faded, transforming into shock. My grip slackened as I stared at him and truly understood what she had said. Understood what I had done.
Then, I heard a terrible sound. A low wailing broke through the frozen horror in my mind. I glanced back in alarm and saw Dimitri standing with Robert. Robert's arms were pinned behind his back as Dimitri effortlessly held him, but the Moroi was doing everything in his power--and failing--to break free. Jill stood nearby, looking uneasily at all of us, confused and afraid.
"Victor! Victor!'
Robert's pleas were muffled by sobs and as useless as my own efforts to get Victor up. I dragged my gaze back down to the body before me, barely believing what I had just done. I'd thought the guardians had been crazy in their reaction to Eddie killing a Moroi, but now, I was starting to understand. A monster like a Strigoi was one thing. But the life of a person, even a person who--
"Get him out of here!'
Sonya was so near me that the unexpected exclamation made me wince. She'd been kneeling too but now jumped to her feet, turning toward Dimitri.
"Get him out of here! As far as you can!'
Dimitri looked surprised, but the powerful command in her voice drove him to instant action. He began dragging Robert away. After a few moments, Dimitri simply opted to toss the man over his shoulder and cart him off. I would have expected cries of protest, but Robert had fallen silent. His eyes were on Victor's body--their gaze so sharp, so focused that they seemed like they could burn a hole through someone. Sonya, not having my fanciful impression, thrust herself between the brothers and dropped to the ground again, covering Victor's body with her own.
"Get him out of here!' she called again. "He's trying to bring Victor back! He'll be shadow-kissed!'
I was still confused and upset, still appalled at what I'd done, but the danger of what she said hit me hard. Robert couldn't be allowed to bring back Victor back. The brothers were dangerous enough without being bonded. Victor couldn't be allowed to summon ghosts the way I could. Victor had to stay dead.
"Doesn't he have to touch the body?' I asked.
"To finish the bond, yes. But he was wielding tons of spirit just now, calling Victor's soul back and keeping it around,' she explained.
When Dimitri and Robert were gone, Sonya told me to help her move the body. We'd made too much noise, and it was a wonder no one had come out yet. Jill joined us, and I moved without really being aware of what I was doing. Sonya found the keys to the CR-V on Victor and flattened the backseats to increase the rear cargo space. We crawled into it, the three of us having to hunch down to stay out of sight. We soon heard voices, people coming to see what had happened. I don't know long they were in the parking lot, only that they mercifully didn't search cars. Honestly? I had few coherent thoughts at all. That rage was gone, but my mind was a mess. I couldn't seem to get a hold of anything concrete. I felt sick and just followed Sonya's orders, staying low as I tried not to look at Victor's body.
Even after the voices were gone, she kept us in the car. At last, she exhaled a deep breath and focused on me. "Rose?' I didn't answer right away. "Rose?'
"Yeah?' I asked, voice cracking. Her voice was soothing and cajoling. I felt that crawling on my skin again and a need to please her. "I need you to look at the dead. Open your eyes to them.'
The dead? No. My mind felt out of control, and I had enough sense to know bringing ghosts here would be a bad idea. "I can't.'
"You can,' she said. "I'll help you. Please.'
I couldn't refuse her compulsion. Expanding my senses, I let down the walls I kept around me. They were the walls that blocked me from the world of the dead and the ghosts that followed me around. Within moments, translucent faces appeared before me, some like normal people and others terrible and ghastly. Their mouths opened, wanting to speak but unable to.
"What do you see?' asked Sonya.
"Spirits,' I whispered.
"Do you see Victor?'
I peered into the swarm of faces, seeking anyone familiar. "No.'
"Push them back,' she said. "Put your walls back up.'
I tried to do as she said, but it was hard. I didn't have the will. I felt outside encouragement and realized Sonya was still compelling me. She couldn't make the ghosts disappear, but feelings of support and determination strengthened me. I shut out the restless dead.
"He's gone then,' Sonya said. "He's either completely consumed by the world of the dead or is wandering as a restless spirit. Regardless, any lingering threads to life are gone. He can't come back to life.' She turned to Jill. "Go get Dimitri.'
"I don't know where he is,' said Jill, startled.
Sonya smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Close, I'm sure. And watching. Go walk around the motel, the block, whatever. He'll find you.'
Jill left, needing no compulsion. When she was gone, I buried my face in my hands. "Oh God. Oh God. All this time, I denied it, but it's true: I am a murderer.'
"Don't think about that yet,' said Sonya. Her take-charge attitude was almost comforting. Almost. It was easier to take orders than fend for yourself. "Deal with your guilt later. For now, we have to get rid of the body.'
I uncovered my eyes and forced myself to look at Victor. Nausea welled up within me, and those crazy feelings spun even more out of control. I gave a harsh laugh. "Yes. The body. I wish Sydney was here. But we don't have any magic potions. The sun won't destroy him. Weird, isn't it? Strigoi are harder to kill ... harder to kill, easier to clean up.' I laughed again because there was something familiar about my rambling ... it was like Adrian in one of his weird moments. Or Lissa when spirit had pushed her to the edge. "This is it, isn't it?' I asked Sonya. "The flood ... the flood you warned me about. Lissa escaped spirit, but it finally defeated me ... just like Anna ... just like the dream ... oh God. This is the dream, isn't it? But I won't wake up ...'
Sonya was staring at me, her blue eyes wide with ... fear? Mockery? Alarm? She reached out and took my hand. "Stay with me, Rose. We'll push it back.'
A knock at the window startled us both, and Sonya let Jill and Dimitri in.