His hands cupped my ass, squeezing the flesh as he grinded against me. “Tell me you want me to do this to her, and I will. Tell me you don’t want me.”
I couldn’t. My head dipped, and a tear leaked from the corner of my eye. It was the second time today they’d spilled after I hadn’t cried in years. It was awful to feel so out of control.
“It isn’t what I want,” I admitted. “I just want to hate you.”
His lips pressed against the moisture on my cheek, kissing away the evidence of my vulnerability. I leaned into him, and it was the first time I could ever recall feeling complete calm with a man’s hands on me. Because whatever Lucian was capable of with someone else, he could only ever be this way with me. Maybe it was a first for him too, or maybe he just hadn’t recognized that yet. He said this was what he needed from me. He wanted to show me his demons, but he never asked to hurt me. And when I looked into his eyes, I knew he couldn’t.
I touched his face, my fingers grazing over the shadowed stubble on his jaw. “You would never do those things to me.”
He stared deep into my soul, his gaze reflecting a promise before he even said the words. “I wouldn’t, pet. I couldn’t. Not with you.”
I was warm all over, completely owned by him at that moment. And it hit us both at once that, in some small way, I was giving him my trust. It was a hard-won battle, and Lucian did not take his victory lightly.
He groaned, and his lips dragged against mine, kissing me with a hunger he’d never satisfied before. I kissed him back. I touched his face and his neck and any piece of skin I could claim through the barriers between us. I wanted him, and it was the most sobering thought I’d ever had. But he broke away, his forehead dipping against mine as he closed his eyes in what looked like silent prayer. The struggle was evident in his body. He was trying to find his morals. He was trying to resist what was happening between us. It made me feel so uncertain, and I wanted to second-guess it too. But before I could remind myself of the many reasons this was wrong, Lucian cut through the silence.
“I shouldn’t be doing this to you.” His voice held so much agony, I couldn’t stand it.
My fingers wrapped around his face, forcing him to look at me. “I want you to.”
He searched my eyes, and whatever he saw there ignited the flame inside him again. “Fuck,” he murmured. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.”
I braced for the impending rejection, but it didn’t come. Instead, he wrapped my arms around his shoulders and rushed to free his cock and shove my panties aside.
We were so close I couldn’t see him, but I could feel him. I felt his heat against my skin. I felt how slick with want I was. The inevitable feelings of shame and self-loathing welled up inside me and threatened to ruin everything.
“Lucian—” My voice fractured.
He pulled me closer, the heat of his lips caressing my ear as he whispered the thing I needed to hear most. “I want every beautiful piece of you, pet. Even the filthy ones.”
I buried my face in his neck and nodded against him.
“Tell her that I’m yours,” Lucian demanded.
My cheeks heated as I remembered the girl kneeling on the floor in front of us. I’d forgotten she was there until I turned to look at her. The hooded eyes that were filled with lust only moments ago were now overflowing with bitterness and jealousy. Maybe it was sick, but it made me wet knowing that Lucian chose me instead of her.
“He’s mine,” I told her as he kissed my throat and nimbly exposed my breasts for his pleasure.
I should have been more modest, probably. But at that moment, I didn’t care because his hands were on me everywhere, and I was burning alive for him.
“She won’t go until I tell her,” he breathed against my skin. “Do you want her to go?”
I looked at her again, and some feral part of me made me shake my head. I wanted her to watch. I wanted her to know what Lucian said was true. He belonged to me now, and he would never touch her again.
Lucian nipped at my throat, his words so low I barely heard them. “You’re going to ruin me.”
“Please,” I begged.
I was completely soaked for him and drunk on his touch, and there was no way I’d let him back out now. Not when he was the one who made this mess of me. I hadn’t been with a man in so long, I didn’t know if I could even enjoy it. I’d never enjoyed it before. I was terrified of the idea of him taking me, but I was terrified of his rejection more. I needed him to need this as much as I did. And when Lucian nudged his cock against me, I pushed against him too.