Since we’d returned from our trip two months ago, he’d been working like a dog. He left for the office right after he woke me up every day and returned when I was already in bed. He wasn’t getting enough sleep, and I could tell he was worried about Emmanuel’s case, but I was worried about him.
The shadows beneath his eyes only seemed to darken every day. He seemed like he had no energy, and I noticed that he’d been coughing a lot again. I mentioned once in the middle of the night that he should go back to the doctor, but he ignored the suggestion entirely. This morning, there was a rash on his chest, and with his shirt off, I realized he’d lost weight too.
“You really don’t have to worry.” Kate’s voice pulled me back to the present. “Even if it doesn’t go right the first time, we can call it a practice test, remember?”
“Okay.” I shrugged.
Kate frowned, examining me the way I imagine a mother would. “Is something else bothering you?”
Kate was my teacher, but more importantly, she was Lucian’s friend, and I wondered how much she knew about him.
“Lucian’s been working a lot, preparing for trial. I’m just worried about him.”
“Oh, he’ll be fine.” She waved it off. “He always works like a lunatic before trial. It’s nothing to be concerned about.”
“I guess so,” I murmured. But in my gut, it felt like I should be worried.
“You said your sister was coming next weekend, right?” Kate asked brightly, trying to change my focus.
“Yes, she’s coming to visit.”
Finally. She’d been pushing it back every time I talked to her. And now that I’d completed my GED program, I wasn’t sure what to make of the fact it was taking so long for Birdie to complete hers.
“Why don’t we grab a coffee?” Kate suggested. “And you can tell me all about it.”
Lucian came home late again, but I’d waited up for him tonight. Beneath my silk bathrobe, I was wearing lingerie, and in my mind, I was determined to steal away a few moments of intimacy with him. But the minute he walked in the door, I saw that wasn’t going to be the case.
His face was worn, and his hair messy the way it often was when he ran his fingers through it too much. He was exhausted and beat down, but more than that, he looked worried.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
His gaze drifted toward the couch, registering my face in the dim light. He kicked off his shoes and dropped his briefcase before coming to sit beside me. “How long have you been waiting for me?”
“A while.” I shrugged.
He dragged a hand over his face and shook his head. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here.”
I reached out and took his hand in mine. “You don’t need to be sorry. You’re doing something important, and I get it. I wouldn’t want you to sacrifice that for time with me. We have plenty of time after the trial.”
Lucian looked at the floor, and my gut churned because it was the first time he didn’t agree with me. I reminded him often that I was here, and time was on our side. It was my way of fishing for reassurances from him. Reassurances I desperately craved, and he usually gave. But tonight, he didn’t.
We were both quiet for a while, and I didn’t know what to do. Lucian was the one to break the silence with heavy, serious words. “The prosecution knows how Emmanuel was conceived, and the judge has decided to allow it at trial. I need to tell him.”
“Oh my God.” I could only imagine the devastation this would cause Emmanuel. The sudden realization that even though your mother raised you, she always secretly resented you. It would tear him apart.
“Isn’t there anything else we can do?” I asked.
I said we as if we were a team, but realistically, I knew that the entire burden fell on Lucian.
He shook his head. “I’ve done everything I can. The only option I have now is to tell him.”
I sat back and digested his words. It wasn’t fair. There was so much in the world that was unfair, and it stung my eyes when I thought about the awfulness of it all. My heart ached for Emmanuel and for Lucian too. I knew how difficult this would be for him. “When are you going to tell him?”
“Tomorrow,” he said. “First thing in the morning.”
I nodded. “What can I do to help?”
He looked at me, offering a weak smile. “Your presence is all I need.”
“Then you have it,” I whispered.
EMMANUEL WAS QUIET, AND HE had been for so long, I didn’t know if he planned on speaking at all. Inwardly, I understood that he was numb. His eyes were cloudy and unfocused as he stared at the wall. Another cut marred his cheek, and he’d limped his way in here. It was something I told him I’d address, but Emmanuel argued. He didn’t want to go into confinement, and I couldn’t say that I blamed him. But it was the only way to keep him safe, and now I had to decide what was best for him.