I didn’t know what I was doing, but they guided me through the process as the baby began to stir, and a fierce protectiveness grew within me as I watched the innocent baby they had created. I knew that just like Lucian, I would do anything to protect this child. In some strange way, they were my family.
I stayed until the baby fell back to sleep, and I handed him off to Lucian. Gypsy walked me to the door, appreciation shining in her eyes. Those wild eyes were similar to her sisters, but they had softened in the time she’d been with Lucian. Everything about her had softened. I wondered if someday, Birdie would ever find that peace. And even though I wanted it more than I could put into words, it also felt like a punch to the gut. Because I knew it wouldn’t be with me.
I slipped out the door, disappearing into the darkness and reaching for the helmet on the back of my bike.
“Hey, Ace?” Gypsy called out from the doorway. “Birdie hasn’t been answering my texts.”
I secured the helmet around my head and straddled the hog as I glanced at the halo of her silhouette across the driveway. “That’s probably because I dumped her phone into a glass of water.”
“Oh,” Gypsy replied in a strained voice. “I guess that explains it.”
I fired up the beast, and then added, “I’ll tell her you said hello.”
I SAT IN THE STEAM-FILLED bathroom with the shower running for a good forty minutes while condensation collected on my cheeks. I didn’t know if it was more of those disgusting emotions I hated or simply the water, but inside, I felt as though I’d been torn in half.
I couldn’t bring myself to wash away the evidence of Huck’s touch. Even if it broke me, I wanted his scent on my skin. Because somehow, I knew it would probably be the only time I ever experienced it. I had felt him slipping from my grasp the moment we locked eyes. It was the only event I could consider a choice of my own making. My first time with someone I wanted. Someone who, on a deeper, more primal level, I needed. He had rocked my soul and rattled everything I thought I knew about sex. It was intimate. It was passionate. It was an all-consuming fire. And for one fleeting moment, I felt whole again.
But now, alone in my thoughts, reality doused me in an emptiness I couldn’t shake. I’d never taste him again. I saw the horror of what we’d done in his eyes. He was ashamed of himself, and it only confirmed my worst fears. He didn’t see me as something that could be reborn. I was and always would be the dirty, used-up doll.
I wiped away the moisture from my face as I brought my knees to my chest and allowed my head to dip forward. My breath stuttered a few times, but eventually, it evened out as I came to accept my situation for what it was.
I’d been living in a fantasy land for the last week, wanting to believe that Ace was somehow my savior. He wasn’t and never could be. I had a debt to pay. Burning fires that still needed to be put out. There was no rest for the wicked like me, and I couldn’t do what was necessary while I was trapped beneath his thumb. My only option—the best thing for both of us—was for me to take my life back.
Tomorrow. It would be the only chance I had. I assumed he’d take me to work with him again. But I anticipated his distance, and I planned to exploit it. That was my only hope.
Fighting off the exhaustion I felt, I forced myself upright and turned off the shower. Mechanically, I dried my body and picked through my clothes until I found a pajama set. Once I was dressed, I took stock of my life packed into the pretty pink suitcases, trying to determine what was important. But as it turned out, I couldn’t find a single thing I couldn’t live without.
The low murmur of the television down the hall caught my attention, and it sparked my curiosity. Huck didn’t watch TV after dinner, and dinner had long since passed. In fact, he was usually in bed by now. He hadn’t come in to lock my door or warn me about the lights. Maybe he didn’t plan to, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to see for myself.
When I walked down the hall, I was surprised to find Trouble lounged on the sofa like a lazy cat as she flipped through the channels. She glanced up at me, and our gazes locked, giving me little chance of slipping away without a word. But I was oddly frustrated by the relief I felt when she was the first to break the silence.