My eyes were tired and heavy, but I resisted the urge to close them. I wanted to stay alert in case she needed me. And for hours, that was exactly what I did. Until finally, against my will, sleep pulled me under too.
When I woke again, it was because Birdie’s breathing had changed. Somehow, even in my sleep, I’d been aware of her. When I opened my eyes, she was curled against my chest, her fingers tangled up in mine.
In the darkness, I couldn’t see her, but her grip on me told me she was awake. I’d fucked up and forgotten about the nightlight, and I knew that was what had woken her. I didn’t know how to evade the inevitable panic attack, but Birdie did.
“Just tell me you’re here,” she whispered against me. “And I think everything will be okay.”
Even though she could feel me, and I could feel her, she needed that assurance. I wouldn’t deny her. Never again would I deny her.
“I’m right here.” My lips settled against her forehead, breathing her in. “I’ll always be right here, Birdie.”
When Birdie finally stirred from her sleep, I was awake but hadn’t moved from my place beside her. I was used to chasing the daylight, rising early and getting shit done. It had been over a decade since I’d slept in, but today, I hadn’t woken until after eleven. The day was slipping away from us, but for once, I found that I didn’t care. I had plenty of capable guys back at the shop in my absence, and this was exactly where I needed to be.
“You’re still here,” Birdie murmured as she looked up at me.
I couldn’t blame her for expecting me to be gone. Not after I’d run out on her the last two times we’d had sex. I wanted to tell her it would never happen again. I wanted to explain the tangled mess of feelings unraveling in my thoughts, but I didn’t know how to relay them.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“Probably about time for you to eat some breakfast.” My fingers grazed the length of her arm, and she shivered.
“I don’t know if I can move.” She glanced down, observing her naked body, and a blush crept over her cheeks.
“I don’t need you to move. You stay in bed. I’ll get breakfast.”
She yawned, stretching out and curling her toes inward before she rolled onto her side. Her face was still slightly swollen, and the bruises had begun to change colors. It would be some time before they went away, and every day would be a reminder. A conversation we’d need to have, but not right now.
Her eyes moved down between my thighs to the cock that was already swelling in her presence. Her nipples tightened in response before her gaze returned to my face, eyes soft and calm.
“We’re naked.”
“Yep,” I answered.
“You brought me to your room, and you stayed with me.”
“Yep.”
Darkness seeped into her features, and the shutters came down on her face. She was thinking too much about all the ways this could go wrong, and I didn’t like it. I couldn’t break down her walls if I didn’t know what they were.
“Birdie.” I reached for her hand, sheltering her small fingers in mine. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t know how to verbalize it. All these feelings were new to me. I’d never known anyone could make me feel so fucked up but still have me coming back for more.
“I want you in my bed every night.”
The words I blurted didn’t come out the way I’d hoped, and I didn’t know how Birdie would take them. Gypsy warned me that she would push me away. This was probably the exact opposite of what I should be doing with her, but I was past caring about everything that made this wrong. Our ages, our fucked-up pasts, the shared inability to connect with anyone else. There were a lot of reasons we shouldn’t be together. But there was one that we should, and it was this undeniable feeling in my chest every time she looked at me.
“I thought you didn’t do relationships.” She studied me, and I knew this was a test. How I answered this question would set the course for wherever we were going.
“I don’t do relationships.” I sighed. “At least I didn’t. Until you.”
“You told me to get fucked two days ago,” she reminded me with a brittle voice.
I dragged a hand over my face and shook my head. “I know I did.” My voice cracked as I tried to explain it to her. “Birdie, I’m fucking deranged. I don’t know how else to say it. I’m probably the worst thing for you. I’ll say stupid shit, and I’ll fuck up. I’d be lying if I said I won’t. This is all new for me. These feelings, this need to have you around me all the time. I don’t know what to do with any of it. I just know that I fucking need you. And I want you to need me too.”