Besides, slamming doors wouldn’t help their situation. Sam was starting to wonder if anything would.
* * *
Tara had never been a fan of her mother-in-law, but Carol had always been good to Marley. She’d called and asked if Marley could spend the night with her and come home in the morning after breakfast. As much as Tara wanted her daughter with her, she was thankful for an evening where she could think through her feelings.
But having a few hours of peace and quiet wouldn’t necessarily give her the answers she needed. She’d hurt Sam earlier and that was the last thing she’d wanted to do. She knew he’d worked hard, she knew he was evolving into a new man, but for a split second she’d been thrust into the past when he’d tell her he had to go out. She couldn’t help it; she was human.
He used to disappear and for a time, she hadn’t known why. Later she realized he was taking his pills and needing to escape so she didn’t realize what he was up to, and then later he tried quitting but the addiction had been too strong and he’d started sneaking, lying.
He’d left believing she thought the worst and he’d been gone for hours. While she fully believed he was at work, she also worried something would set him back. The amnesia with Marley or the way she’d handled their encounter earlier—would either of those make him seek something to numb the pain?
She’d never believed in the past that he’d get addicted, so she truly had no idea what would keep him clean now. Did he have cravings? Did he struggle?
Questions she should ask instead of hiding behind her fear of the unknown.
She opened the screen door and let Daisy out to use the bathroom. Tara hadn’t eaten for most of the day because her caseload had been heavy. Then she’d talked to Lucy on the phone about Kate’s baby shower. So the little pack of pretzels she’d had at her desk had long since worn off.
She looked through the pantry to figure out what to make. She’d been spoiled when Sam lived here and she’d come home from work to a nice meal. Then, when he’d left, she’d cooked for herself and Marley, but that wasn’t the same. The whole family feel had been gone and there was only so much mac ’n’ cheese a girl could eat before she started noticing her waistline expanding.
Tara went to the fridge and found some steaks she’d picked up the other day. She wasn’t sure when Sam would be home, but she could have a meal for him when he got here. A peace offering of sorts.
She grilled the steaks while Daisy let out some energy. Tara decided to set the table on the deck since it was so nice outside. The sun was slowly starting to descend, but that only added to the beauty of the evening.
She made up a nice salad and even threw some veggies on the grill, just like she knew Sam enjoyed. She owed him a major apology and hopefully this meal would help segue into her groveling.
Tara was stirring the sugar into some tea when the front door opened and closed. She tapped the spoon on the side of the glass pitcher and set the spoon in the sink. Sam’s footsteps neared and she braced herself before she spun around.
He leaned against the doorjamb and simply stared across the room at her.
“I made dinner,” she said with a smile. “Want to eat outside?”
For a moment, she wondered if he was going to even reply, but he finally offered a simple nod before pushing off the door frame and stepping into the kitchen.
Tara busied herself getting drinks and taking them out back. Sam disappeared into the office before he came out and took a seat in one of the patio chairs. Tara let Daisy inside so they could eat without a giant dog head right at table height.
“I hope you’re hungry,” she said as she settled adjacent to him. “I was so busy I didn’t get to eat much and then I put on the biggest steaks and made a huge salad and then I figured you’d want some vegetables on the grill and—”
“Relax.” Sam covered her hand with his. “Were you a nervous wreck the whole time I was gone?”
Tara sagged deeper into her chair. “Pretty much. Listen, Sam, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you think I don’t trust you. This is all so difficult and sometimes I get stuck in the past. I’m scared but there’s no excuse for how I treated you.”