The entire car ride was a lesson in patience, his curiosity killing him and his hopes refusing to be tempered, however much he wanted them to go away. He couldn’t help it. He hoped she’d reconsidered.
Anna had left word with the doorman and Jacob took the elevator up to her floor, walking double-time down the hall to her apartment.
“Hi,” she said when she opened the door.
The vision of Anna hit him the way an avalanche throws a mountain of snow down to the foothills. Her cheeks were blanched and her eyes pink and puffy. She’d been crying. Whatever this was, it was bad. He filed in to her kitchen, immediately plunged back into the familiar comfort of being with Anna, the one that made him feel as though he never wanted to be anywhere else, even when she was standing before him with her arms crossed, leaving a barrier between them.
“I don’t want to make this any more of a big deal than it already is,” she said, sniffling. “I’m pregnant and you’re the only person who can be the father.”
“Pregnant?” He remained calm on the outside, but his mind raced so fast he didn’t know which way was up. His brain was a jumble of contradictory thoughts. A baby?
“Yes, Jacob. Pregnant.”
Was this some sort of trick? “But I thought you couldn’t get pregnant.”
“I thought the same thing. The doctor had said it was virtually impossible for me to conceive.”
“Virtually? So not completely impossible? Because you told me it was flat-out impossible.”
“Virtually, completely. Does it really make that big of a difference?” She rolled her eyes. “Maybe you have superhero sperm. I don’t know. Don’t assume this is my fault. And remember, we were both there. It’s not like I went and did this on my own.”
Superhero sperm. His male ego wasn’t about to argue that point. He started to say something else, to continue the argument, but one thing that had made him successful in business was his ability to accept facts and deal with problems, rather than burying his head in the sand. A pregnancy—a baby. That was a fact.
He’d told himself he would never have children. Not after the way his parents raised him—moving him from boarding school to boarding school, depending on his father’s opinion of whether or not Jacob was being challenged enough with his studies. His dad pushed and pushed. There was no other speed and there was no nurturing any skills beyond academic, except for maybe the years he’d been forced to play classical piano when what he’d really wanted to learn was how to play guitar.
Was it even in his DNA to be loving and caring the way a dad should be? His father had given him a mind for business and that was about it. Such was the legacy of Henry Lin—mold your child in your image and tell him hundreds of times that you expect him to stay that way. Jacob had done it for the most part. After all, he was exceptional at doing exactly what his father did— making money. He had homes and cars and bank accounts to prove it. He merely didn’t want to repeat his father’s mistake, which had been becoming a dad in the first place.
“Jacob? Are you even listening to me? Are you going to say something?” Anna asked.
He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’d never thought I would ever become a dad. This is just a lot to deal with at one time.”
Anna’s jaw dropped. “This is a lot for you to deal with? Why don’t you ask the person who had to pee on a plastic stick how she’s feeling about all of this?” She wrapped her sweater around her tightly. “I should’ve known better than to think that you would even care about this. You care about money and your pride and your stupid motorcycles and that’s about it. Obviously the man who decided it was perfectly fine to destroy my family wouldn’t care at all about the fact that he was going to be a dad. Goodbye, Jacob. Have a nice life. Don’t make me call the doorman and tell him to come up here.” She whipped around and rushed out of the room.
He chased her down the hall, grabbing her arm just outside her bedroom door. “Anna, stop.”
She turned, not making eye contact, her chest heaving. “Just let me go, Jacob. Just let me go.”
Her words, broken and desperate, gnawed at his heart. How could he let her go? He didn’t want to. He’d spent the last several weeks missing her, desperately. “I’m sorry. Truly.” The words about to roll off his tongue next, the ones about wanting to embrace her, wanting closeness with her just wouldn’t come out. His feelings about Anna hadn’t changed since the breakup, but being near her was a powerful reminder of how badly losing her had hurt in the first place. “Tell me what I can do.”