I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and the old, familiar face almost brought me to my knees.
“You don’t want to do this here,” Doc said gently with a shake of his head. “Not here, girl.”
I looked at him, the way age had made his upper back curve a bit and his body narrow with loss of muscle, but as I met his eyes, I was transported back to Ireland and the worst night of my life.
The words poured out of me then.
“I woke up tied to a chair,” I began, moving my head back toward Patrick in time to see his face pale. “It was one of those kitchen chairs with the arm rests. Wood. The backrest wasn’t real tall, it stopped at the base of my neck.”
I watched Patrick swallow hard, but he didn’t interrupt me as the crowd around us grew completely silent.
“I had a belt in my mouth that was tightened around the back of my head. He said it was so I didn’t bite my tongue.”
I glanced to the side, and saw Vera watching me in horror, but I couldn’t stop. I was purging, the words coming out of me in waves.
“I didn’t know who he was—I’d never seen him before. But as soon as I was awake, he took the belt out of my mouth and explained why I was there. He just wanted to know where his fiancé was. And I remember thinking, ‘Thank God, that’s all he wants. I’ll help him find her.’ ”
“Amy,” Patrick whispered.
“You wanted to know, right? That’s what all that yelling was about.”
“I didn’t—”
“The first time I didn’t give him the answer he wanted, he pulled my head back over the edge of the chair. I thought he was going to slit my throat, but instead he cut all of my hair off. All of it. There were times that I could feel the metal against my scalp, that was how short he’d made it. I cried as he cut it, and he scolded me for it, but I didn’t realize... I didn’t realize what would come next, or I would have saved my tears.”
“After that, he went for my hands. He started with my pointer finger,” I said clearly, lifting my hand and wiggling the crooked digit as Patrick began to shake. “He smashed it with a ball peen hammer when I still wouldn’t tell him where Moira was.”
I heard someone cry out from Vera’s side of the room, and Patrick reached out to brace himself against the bar, but I didn’t pause.
“The middle was next, and by that time I’d already pissed myself, but I barely noticed over the pain. What’s a little mess when it felt like he was ripping my fingers off one by one?”
Patrick’s hand fell off my arm and limply to his side as he began to sway.
“I couldn’t tell him where she was, because I didn’t know where she was.” I laughed darkly. “The two smallest fingers hurt the worst, probably because he didn’t have much room to work, so he broke the knuckles.”
Patrick flinched with every word I spoke.
“Please, me love—” he whispered achingly.
“Thankfully, by the time he’d reached my thumb, he asked the right question. It was the difference between where is she and where did he take her. I knew where you were headed, so I finally had an answer. Thank God, I finally had an answer.”
“I beg ye, stop,” he pleaded raggedly.
“He wasn’t happy at my answer,” I whispered back, leaning forward at the waist. “Perhaps it hadn’t been what he wanted to hear.”
“Mot’er of God.” I watched his lips form the words, but he made no sound.
“So while I was out of it with pain, he stripped me from the waist down, then he cleaned me,” I shuddered in revulsion at the memory, my voice beginning to grow hoarse. “And he raped me on his mother’s couch.”
“You left me in Ireland to take care of a woman you barely knew, and because of that, he tortured me and raped me until I lost consciousness.” I clenched my jaw against the emotion burning in my chest. “You promised me you’d never leave me again. You promised that I’d never have to be afraid. You promised that you’d never love anyone else.”
I watched Patrick’s face go from pale to an alarming shade of gray, but I didn’t stop.
I still didn’t stop.
“Do you remember the day you found out I was pregnant? When you spit in my face and said I was filthy?” I growled at him, tears finally falling freely down my cheeks. “I didn’t say anything back, because I couldn’t disagree with you. I felt filthy. The kind of filth that you scrub and scrub, but it never comes off.”
“No—” Patrick whispered painfully, his voice barely audible.
“You accused me of paying you back for fucking another woman, and I began to laugh, do you remember?” I waited until his eyes squeezed shut with the memory, then hissed through my teeth, “It was hilarious, Patrick. Because I hadn’t paid you back for sleeping with her. He did.”
Patrick’s eyes shot open as his legs went out from under him, and he landed on his knees with a loud thump, his entire body curling forward.
“Mum?” I heard over my shoulder, and I felt my entire body pull inward in fear. “Mum?”
I turned to see Nix walking toward me slowly, devastation clear on his face.
“You never told me,” he accused, meeting my eyes. “And, you.” He pointed toward Patrick, more angry than I’d ever seen him. “Get up.”
As soon as Patrick was on his feet, Nix’s fist hit him so hard in the side of the face that he went down again.