“I’m just thinking about work.”
“Baby, you’ll be fine. Trust me.”
“Please don’t interfere—I want to do this on my own. Please. It’s important to me,” she says.
Me? Interfere? Only to protect you, Ana.
“Let’s not argue, Christian. We’ve had such a wonderful morning. And last night was—” Her cheeks pink. “Heaven.”
Last night. I close my eyes and see her ass in the air. I move in my seat as my body reacts. “Yes. Heaven.” And I realize that I’ve said it out loud. “I meant what I said.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to let you go.”
“I don’t want to go,” she says.
“Good.” I relax a little. She’s still here, Grey.
ANA DRIVES INTO THE SIP parking lot and parks the Saab.
Ordeal over.
She’s not that bad a driver.
“I’ll walk you to work. Taylor will take me from there,” I offer, as we climb out of the car. “Don’t forget we’re seeing Flynn at seven this evening.” I hold out my hand for her. She presses the remote, locking the car, and gives the Saab a fond look before taking my hand.
“I won’t forget. I’ll compile a list of questions for him.”
“Questions? About me? I can answer any questions you have about me.”
Her smile is indulgent. “Yes, but I want the unbiased, expensive charlatan’s opinion.”
I fold her into my arms, my hands cupping hers and holding them behind her back. “Is this a good idea?” I stare into her startled eyes. They soften and she offers to forgo seeing Flynn. She shakes one of her hands loose from my grip and tenderly strokes my face. “What are you worried about?”
“That you’ll go.”
“Christian, how many times do I have to tell you—I’m not going anywhere. You’ve already told me the worst. I’m not leaving you.”
“Then why haven’t you answered me?”
“Answered you?”
“You know what I’m talking about, Ana.”
She sighs and her expression clouds. “I want to know that I’m enough for you. That’s all.”
“And you won’t take my word for it?” I release her.
When will she realize she’s all I’ll ever want?
“Christian, this has all been so quick,” she says. “And by your own admission, you’re fifty shades of fucked up. I can’t give you what you need. It’s just not for me. But that makes me feel inadequate, especially seeing you with Leila. Who’s to say that one day you won’t meet someone who likes doing what you do? And who’s to say you won’t, you know, fall for her? Someone much better suited to your needs.” She looks away.
“I knew several women who like doing what I like to do. None of them appealed to me the way you do. I’ve never had an emotional connection with any of them. It’s only ever been you, Ana.”
“Because you never gave them a chance. You’ve spent too long locked up in your fortress. Look, let’s discuss this later. I have to go to work. Maybe Dr. Flynn can offer us his insight.”
She’s right. We shouldn’t be discussing this in a parking lot. “Come.” I hold out my hand, and together we walk to her office.
TAYLOR PICKS ME UP in the Audi, and on our way to Grey House, I contemplate my conversation with Ana.
Am I locked in a fortress?
Maybe.
I stare out of the window. Commuters hurry to work, wrapped up in minutiae of their daily lives. Here, in the back of my car, I’m removed from it all. I’ve always been that way. Removed: isolated as a child or isolating myself as I grew up, walled off in a fortress.
I’ve been scared of feeling.
Feeling anything except my anger.
My constant companion.
Is that what she means? If it is, it’s Ana who’s given me the key to escape. And all that’s holding her back is Flynn’s opinion.
Maybe once she’s heard what he has to say, she’ll say yes.
A guy can hope.
I allow myself a brief moment to see what real optimism feels like…
It’s terrifying.
It could end badly. Again.
My phone buzzes. It’s Ana. “Anastasia. You okay?”
“They’ve just given me Jack’s job—well, temporarily,” she says, with no preamble at all.
“You’re kidding.”
“Did you have anything to do with this?” Her tone is accusatory.
“No. No, not at all. I mean, with all due respect, Anastasia, you’ve only been there for a week or so—and I don’t mean that unkindly.”
“I know,” she says, and she sounds demoralized. “Apparently, Jack really rated me.”
“Did he, now?” I’m so glad that asshole is out of her life. “Well, baby, if they think you can do it, I’m sure you can. Congratulations. Perhaps we should celebrate after we’ve seen Flynn.”
“Hmm. Are you sure you had nothing to do with this?”
Does she really think I’d lie to her? Maybe because of my confession last night?
Or maybe they’ve given her the job because I won’t let them recruit outside the company.
Hell.
“Do you doubt me? It angers me that you do.”
“I’m sorry,” she says quickly.