Since that night I’d seen them once or twice. Once was in the grocery store where I’d seen them before they noticed me and had tried to make my escape. But I knew she’d seen me when she started talking too loudly and had begun clinging onto him like a limpet, all the while looking in my direction.
He hadn’t seen me, but I knew from his expression that this was a new act for her. I looked away, not giving her the satisfaction of knowing that I’d seen her actions. I just paid for my things and headed out the door.
The next time had been in passing; I’d been stepping out of the house to go to one of the neighbor’s homes for a babysitting gig when their family car passed by, driving way too slow. Our eyes met, hers and mine, and she looked at me as though I’d stolen her most prized possession.
So you can imagine my surprise when she called me for another job sitting for their kids. I agreed even though I knew it was foolish, but I needed to play out this farce and put it behind me. The love I bore Derrick will stay hidden inside me forever, I’d decided.
I’ll throw myself into my studies once I go away to university and then spend the rest of my life trying to heal the bruised and broken hearts of the young. I think I will be good at it. I have first-hand experience with that particular hell.
LAUREN
It was getting to me. Like ants beneath my skin, an itch that I could not scratch. Just knowing that she was just around the corner, that she was even breathing was making my life a living hell. On good days I knew I was being irrational, I could see the truth in Derrick’s words when he told me I was blowing things out of proportion, but deep inside there was something brewing, something dark and ugly that I had no control over.
I hate that she ever looked at him with love, and it doesn’t matter that she was just a child when it happened. I’ve questioned Derrick ceaselessly, but his answers have all been less than satisfactory.
He plays it off as nothing, just an innocent crush from years ago, so why didn’t either of them mention it? Why the big secret? It was like something they shared with each other that I was left out of, me, his wife, the mother of his children.
I hated even more that she was not only beautiful but also smart and rich as well. I’d learned from some of the other women that her family was easily the wealthiest in the neighborhood, as was evident by that mausoleum they lived in.
I hate her face, I hate that condescending attitude of hers and that she way she has of looking through you when you’re right in front of her like nothing phases her, nothing touches the little princess on her pedestal.
It got so I hated to hear her name mentioned, which it was a lot since these women thought my interest was in her babysitting skills. They all sang her praises, and I was dying to tell them what a little bitch she really was, but I got the feeling that that may not go over so well.
I was the new kid on the block after all, and she’d had years to build up her reputation. It’s a farce, a lie, a stinking façade she wears to fool the world. I know she still wants my husband; I know it. I looked in the mirror after getting off the phone with her and could hardly recognize the woman I saw looking back at me.
She looked wild and unhinged. When’s the last time I went to the salon and got my hair and nails done? It’s funny, but since I started feeling like a frump compared to her, I’ve lost all interest in my own upkeep. Derrick hasn’t complained, but how long will that last?
Maybe I need to see someone. Someone who could help me understand my obsession with this girl. Am I suffering from postpartum depression? I doubt it I’d been fine after the twins were born. It’s only after she came into our lives that I started feeling this way.
“Lauren, where are you?” Derrick came and stood in the bedroom doorway. “You okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.” I pasted a smile on my face and hoped it was bright enough to fool him. “Get dressed; we’re going out,” I told him as I pulled my sweater off over my head and walked towards the bathroom.
“We are, where are we going?”
“Out, my treat.” I saw the glimmer of hope that came into his eyes. Has he been watching me unravel? Had he seen beneath the surface into the darkness that had opened up inside me? Why do I feel so out of control?