But I wasn’t strong enough.
I was undone in the worst possible way.
At my weakest.
At my most susceptible to addiction.
And Pim wasn’t aware of the mind space she’d shoved me into. If she knew, perhaps she would’ve climbed off me and stayed away. She would’ve saved my life by stopping me from destroying myself.
But she didn’t climb off me. She didn’t stop. She fucking ruined me by sitting up and using the same fingers that’d grabbed my balls to circle her clit and shed any remainders of her past.
She used me.
She took me.
She fucked me while touching herself just like I’d fantasied all these months.
All I could do was watch and crave and give in to the rapidly building electricity crackling down my spine.
And when she came.
Fuck me.
She annihilated me.
I had no anchor. I was in a sea of sickness. Drowning beneath fever and pain. The strange ingredients of injuries and sex once again threw me overboard. All I could see through the blackness was her.
I couldn’t fight it.
I’d never been able to fight it.
With her lips wide and eyes glazed, Pim found her perfect ending, and with a scream that tore my heart from my chest, she gave in. Digging her nails into my brutalised body, granting another layer of pain, she rode me hard and rough—completely uncaring as she chased her own pleasure.
I begged for change.
I wished I could watch her come and be finished with this.
I wanted to rest.
I needed to rest before I passed out cold again.
But my body launched itself after her like a killer after its chosen, filling my blood with lava, bubbling with the ability to come again. The pounding agony and painful wisps in my brain didn’t stand a chance.
“Fuck!” I jolted with every fever-tinted wave, mixing agony with blissful, heaven with hell.
I hated it.
I loved it.
I would die if I had any more if it.
But my body was determined to kill me, ratcheting the intensity with every ripple of release.
I clamped my eyes closed as I lost track of east and west, up and down.
On and on, I came.
And when I finally jerked and groaned, drained within breaths of passing out, Pim made to move off me.
Oh, hell no.
The cycle wasn’t complete. She couldn’t be permitted to leave.
In reality, I should help her. I should throw her as far away from me as possible. But I wasn’t myself. I was nothing but addiction and two was nearly as ugly as one.
It wasn’t three.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” I locked my hands on her hips. “We’re not done.”
“You’re fading between sleep and awake, El. I think we should stop.”
“We can’t.” Already the compulsion was back, riding my body, keeping me painfully hard.
Blackness erased the room for a second. I blinked, bringing everything that mattered back into the light.
I need to sit up.
I had to keep my brain alive just for a little longer—after that…who cares.
Digging my heels into the bed, I braced against excruciating pain. “Move with me. Don’t let me slip out.”
“What are you—”
“Just do it.”
With her lips pressed together, she nodded and took her weight, hovering over me on her knees with my cock still firmly impaled inside her.
I wedged my fists into the mattress and hoisted upward.
Holy shit.
I blacked out for another second, shaking my head to rid the cloying stars. It took every bit of remaining energy, but I managed to haul myself up the bed and lean haphazardly against the bedhead.
Pim slipped down my length the moment I stopped.
I panted as if I’d swam the Pacific Ocean. Sweat ran down my face. My heart double beat with warning, but I ignored all of it.
All I could do was obey the conniving, destroying chant to finish this.
Unable to catch my breath, I cupped her chin. “You’re so beautiful after you’ve just come.”
Bringing her mouth to mine, I kissed her. I grew harder, my body already in the process of preparing itself for the final call.
She kissed me back, her pussy clutching in gentle rhythm as if encouraging me to take her one last time.
Kissing my way to her ear, I whispered, “You’re beautiful, but right now, I need you to turn around.”
She froze. “What?”
“You heard me.” I spun my finger in the air. “Spin on my cock. Face away.”
“Why?”
For a moment, I worried she had bad memories associated with this position. But I couldn’t have her facing me, watching me, seeing how far I was about to fall.
I barely clung to lucidity. Another orgasm was bound to knock me straight into unconsciousness.
I knew the risks, yet I had no choice.
I didn’t need to fuck her while staring at her judgement.
Gritting my teeth against those damn swirling stars, I snapped, “It doesn’t matter why. I told you to turn.” I pushed her shoulder. “So turn.”
Her eyes dove into mine, seeing past my false strength and reading my ragged truth.