“You’re right. I wasn’t happy, but you, you were the best thing to happen to me. Those kids are the reason for me to wake up every morning. I just lost my way.” He leans forward to hold my hands.
“You did lose your way, but I found my way. I’m happy, so very happy. I have my life, I have the kids, and now I have Cooper. I have to say I wasn’t expecting it, I wasn’t waiting for it, but it showed up and knocked me on my ass.”
“I think I’m just going to tell Matthew goodbye and catch up another time.” He gets up. “I’m hoping we could talk more.” He kisses my forehead. “I miss you, I miss us.”
And just like that he is gone, saying goodbye to everyone before stopping to kiss Matthew and Allison.
“Babe,” Cooper calls, sitting where James had been a moment earlier.
“I’m happy.” I look at him, smiling, hoping he gets what I’m saying.
“Good to know. I’m happy, too.” He tugs my hands till I’m sitting in his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him through my smile. “We are both happy.”
Chapter Eighteen
We pull up to the house way after everyone’s bedtime. Allison was asleep even before we pulled out of Meghan’s driveway. It’s been a long time I’ve felt this content.
I look over at Cooper, who looks far away in his thoughts.
He’s been like that all evening.
Once we get home, he quickly takes Allison out of her seat. Luckily, she changed into her pajamas before we left Meghan’s.
“I got her, babe, get the bags.”
Matthew is continuing his ‘celebrating’ by staying over at his friend’s house. Usually I would say no, but like Cooper said, it’s like he just won the cup.
“Okay.”
By the time I get inside and sort through all the wet things, I sense him before I feel him wrap his hands around my waist.
“Babe, come outside with me.” Something in his voice makes my heart pound. My hands are getting clammy just walking outside with him.
We get to the hammock, and he sits down on it, making it like a swing. His feet are on the ground in front, and the back of the hammock against his back halfway. “Sit on me,” he demands.
“I can’t. I’m going to throw you over.” I stand here in front of him. He rubs his hands up and down the back of my legs, kissing my stomach. I’m still wearing my sundress from this afternoon.
“I won’t make you fall, I promise.”
I comb my fingers through his hair, looking down into his blue eyes. They’re like the key to his soul, always bright. Tonight they look clouded, like a storm is brewing.
“Okay,” I whisper and straddle his lap. I’m surprised we don’t topple over, but Cooper has his feet planted on the ground, so we aren’t going anywhere.
“Baby.” I look at him. “You’re scaring me.” I’m sure he can hear my heart beating in my chest.
“I’ve never felt like this.” he whispers, “I’ve had women, many women, but none were like you.” He kisses my chest right above my breast.
“Okay.” I twirl his hair through my fingers.
“When I looked over at you today and saw you sitting with James, my breath caught in my throat.”
“Honey.” I pull his hair so he looks up at me. “James and I, we are the past. Way, way in the past.”
“You made a life with him, you made a home with him, you have kids with him.” His voice trembles.
“I had all that, I made a home with him. I had kids with him. He threw that away. He tossed it aside.” I’m trying to calm my nerves. I’m scared that this is it. This will be the last time that I hold him. “Cooper.” He looks up at me, and I snap, my heart snaps. “No, you don’t get to decide this, you don’t get to toss me aside because you think you know what I want or need.” My heart is literally hurting. It’s aching. I blink away the tears that are forming in my eyes, continuing what I have to say. “If you don’t want me, just say it, but don’t you dare try to cop out of this giving yourself a clear conscience.” I drop my hands to my sides, looking into his eyes. I lean forward, kissing his eyes. “I’ve had many years with a man who not only looked through me, he passed by me, not stopping to look at me. But you, you see me.”—I kiss his cheeks—“I’ve had many years not smiling. Now I smile so much my cheeks hurt. I smile for no reason at all. I smile at you and because of you”—I kiss his lips—“I’ve had many years of little kisses, but none of them made my heart flutter like yours, none of them left me breathless because of them, none of them I longed for.” I can’t stop the one tear that has rolled down my face. “I want you, I want this”—I point from him to me with my hand—“I want this more than I care to admit”—I put my forehead on his, our eyes watching each other—“I want you to want me,” I whisper the last part, my heart hoping that he does pick me, that he picks us.