Ken and Tom are talking somewhere behind us, discussing strategy. Ken is armed, but Tom isn’t and Mary just looks like she wants to sink through the floor. Only I am focused on the Head. Only I actually care. That’s sad.
“I am proud of you,” she says, changing her tune suddenly.
“Oh shut up. You are not.”
“I am. It’s right that you should take my life.”
I didn’t expect her to beg for mercy, but I also didn’t expect her not to care at all.
“I didn’t want you to be born. That wasn’t a choice that I was given,” she says. “It was one taken from me. I know you’re angry. I know you always will be. You are what you are. I am what I am.”
“You’re corrupt and old.”
“I am what I need to be,” she says quite calmly. “I have been shaped by the forces of my life the same way you have. I wanted better forces for you. That is why I chose Doctor Ares for you.”
“But you interfered. You tortured us both for some stupid defiance. You could have just left us alone and we would have been happy. So I don’t believe you. I don’t think you do anything for good reasons.”
“I need power, Electra,” she says bluntly. “Obedience isn’t a convenience, it is a necessity. We cannot do what we do here in this facility if I do not have the absolute obedience of every agent. That includes you, and the doctor.”
“You could have talked to us. Explained this.”
“Perhaps. But talking has never resulted in anything useful in my life,” she says. “I have learned to take power, to crush those who resist, and to enforce my will without exception. I do not expect you to like me for that. Your loathing is natural. But I do what I must.”
That train of thought stops me in my tracks, not because I don’t understand it, but because it makes perfect sense to me. This woman. The Head. She is what I was on my way to becoming before she gave me to Tom.
“Holy fuck. Maybe I am like you,” I curse.
“It is too late for me, Electra,” she says. “I cannot be rehabilitated. If you wish to kill me, you may. It makes very little difference if I am to be honest. You are the fruit of my loins, however reluctantly you were made, and you share more in common with me than you may think…”
“Yes. I get it. We’re both evil bitches,” I hiss, hot tears starting to stream down my cheeks all over again as Tom comes over to me and wraps me in a warm hug. This holding people hostage thing is harder than I thought it would be.
“Let’s start over,” he suggests. “Nobody has to be perfect, but let’s say nobody is kept captive. Head, if you want to make a real difference, let us go. I’ll take Electra to my home. We’ll live a domesticated life. Part of you will have escaped this endless cycle of death and blood.”
“That’s not an option,” the Head refuses immediately.
“Why not?”
“Because this is where I have control. This is where I know you will be safe.”
“Safe being lied to, kept in boxes…?”
“You’re all alive, and you’re all unharmed,” the Head says. “I have been cruel, I admit that. But there is not a one of you who is not safer for being part of this organization.”
She’s right. It’s not pleasant to hear, but she is right. I was not made for domestic life. Tom has educated me to understand it somewhat, but it will never be a part of me the way it is for him. That dinner we had together, I was not comfortable. I saw weapons everywhere. Potential assailants. It actually… I can barely admit this… reassured me to see the Head there, to be reminded of her control.
“Electra, you are the best part of me,” the Head says, her eyes misting, or perhaps, merely fogging over because of ambient moisture. I’m still not convinced she has real feelings. “And I cannot set you free, because this world is not free. There are just various kinds of prison.”
I look at Tom, to see if he thinks that is true. He gives a little shrug.
“I suppose, philosophically, one could see the world that way,” he admits with no small amount of reluctance.
“Do you think Electra would function in the world at large?”
I don’t need to hear Tom answer. I already know I would not. Not only would I not, I don’t want to. The real world, the world where all the people are? That’s not for me. I’m not a civilian. I am something else, human adjacent, but not quite human all the way through.
“I just wanted to be with him. You tried to use my love to your advantage. You treated us like animals, or pawns, or anything but people.”