She hesitates. “Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Stop badgering me.”
“Badgering you?” She frowns and takes a step back. “I’m worried about you.”
Fuck, I hate myself right now.
“You’re doing too much,” she continues. “Do you want me to stop auditioning until you’re done?”
No fucking way do I want to be the reason she puts her career on hold. That damn coffee commercial where she looked like the hottest Suzie-homemaker ever ended up airing nationally. She’s somewhat in demand right now. And I’m going to slow her down just because I need her to babysit me? Fuck no.
“No, babe. We’re almost done.” Thank fuck that’s the truth.
We need to get down one more track. We finished number three last night. Or was it this morning? Doesn’t matter.
“Chaser,” she says in a soft lets-be-reasonable voice, “You can’t keep this up forever. I can go to auditions by myself. I promise not to go to any hotels or anything sketchy.”
“No.”
“This is ridiculous!” she explodes. Mallory doesn’t have much of a temper, so it’s a sign of just how frayed her nerves are thanks to my bullshit. “You’re leaving to go on tour for three months. What am I supposed to do then? Sit home and stare at the wall?”
I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Most of my thoughts revolve around music, Mallory, or scoring more coke. Beyond that, I can’t spare the extra brain power.
“You’ll come with me.”
She raises her hands to the sky, completely exasperated. “Chaser, we both know that’s not going to work.”
All my drug-addled brain hears is, we aren’t going to work out.
“Why? You planning to see someone else while I’m away?”
“Oh my God. Are you serious right now? After everything, how can you even ask me that?”
“You’re hot.” My shoulders jerk up, like her dating another man is no big deal, instead of my worst fucking nightmare. “Every guy who meets you wants to fuck you.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Andrew wants to fuck you. Jesus Christ, he never stops asking about you.”
She pauses. “Really? Why?”
Something about her question only agitates me more. “Why? What do you mean, why? You want to fuck him, too?”
Tears of what I think are frustration, fill her eyes. But my girl is tough, she lifts her chin defiantly. “I’m not going to dignify that with an answer. You’re acting paranoid. Talk to me. What’s going on?”
But I can’t be honest.
How can I be honest with her when I’ve reached a point where I don’t even recognize my own face in the mirror?
Besides, knowing there’s cocaine in my pocket this very second cements the wall between us. Every day, I lie to her in a thousand different ways.
So, I look her in the eye and tell her the biggest lie of them all.
“Everything is fine.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mallory
Something has to give.
We can’t keep going on like this.
Chaser’s a mess.
He thinks I can’t tell. That I’m too stupid to know what he’s up to. But seriously, unless he’s developed some sort of bladder issue, no one his age needs to spend so much time in the bathroom.
“Chaser,” I say, brushing my fingers over his shoulder. “Are we meeting the guys tonight? Or are you all mine?”
His nostrils flare at the question and a sensual smile curls his lips. We may be falling apart everywhere else, but he’s more focused on sex than ever. It’s frequent and intense. Long, marathon sessions of hot, relentless jackhammer sex.
But for me, there’s always something missing lately.
He fixes his gaze on me, and I almost cry. By his dilated pupils and blank expression, I might as well be talking to the wall.
“Nah, let’s stay in. I’ve seen them way too much lately.”
He takes my hand and pulls me into his lap, slipping his fingers up under my shorts. “I can think of a few things to keep us occupied.”
“I’m sure you can.”
He doesn’t react to the sarcasm. I doubt it even registered.
“Give me a minute.” He stalks off to the bathroom, and I take a deep breath.
When he returns, I stand and face him.
Enough is enough.
“You don’t have to keep hiding it. You’re not fooling me. Might as well just snort it up out here,” I say, pointing to the coffee table.
He stares at me with wide eyes.
“Do you think I’m stupid, Chaser?”
“No.”
I burst into frustrated and guilty tears. How did we end up here?
“Hey,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. “What’s wrong?”
“This is all my fault. You weren’t using before you knew me. If I didn’t cause you so many problems, this wouldn’t be happening.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine, Mallory.”
“Stop lying. You’re not fine.”
“Everything’s under control,” he insists.
“You don’t always have to be the man in charge. For once, let me help you.”
“I’m fine,” he growls again. “Drop it.”
Nope. He’s not getting off that easy. “I will not drop it. Please talk to me.”