He nods like he gets it.
“To you, he chose the club. Lives were at stake. Decisions had to be made by two scared, insecure kids. You’re all grown up now, Kara. At least, on the surface. He’s not the same half-broken kid you remember. I’m not sure where the head has to go to enjoy his skillsets as much as he does. Same for Sarah. You can tell a lot about a person, based on who they gravitate toward.”
“You’re saying he’s as twisted and crazy as that assassin chick who is really confusing to my head?” I ask him.
“Sarah’s definitely fucked in the head. She’s the first one he’s shown a kindred sort of comradery toward since you left, and not in the romantic sense,” he says, adding that last part when I snap my eyes to him in an embarrassing surge of jealousy.
His lips twitch like he’s inside my head.
“He feels normal around her,” he goes on. “Compared to him, she’s insane. Compared to all of us…”
“He’s the one who’s crazy,” I conclude with a firm nod.
“You’ve been gone a while. Herrin’s the kind of guy who eases you into the darkest recesses, leaving you to believe you’re an anarchist fighting for the right reasons. Before you know it, you’re just a thug cleaning up his messes, while he pockets more cash, ass, and drugs. Rush was his number-one go-to guy for the secret jobs.”
My heart sinks, and I sag to a chair.
“A job he took so he could get close enough to Herrin to figure out what really happened. Drex played that too close to the vest, and the only reason Rush didn’t immediately shoot him when he found out Drex had known all the time—”
“Is because I love my brother,” I state quietly.
“Herrin’s only alive, because Rush thought he was the key to finding you. Now he realizes he could have killed the bastard all along, and then Drex would have let you come back. It’s driving him a bit mad, so I need you to soothe him. Also, I need you to gain some perspective, and accept his crazy fucking ass the way he is, because he really will kidnap you.”
“He already has kidnapped me. I’m aware of what he’s capable of,” I groan, scrubbing a hand over my face.
“So what are you going to do about it?” he asks, prompting me to look up at his serious, worried eyes.
“I’m probably going to let myself get kidnapped. It’s not like I’m ever going to love anyone else half as much as I’ve loved him,” I say, not admitting aloud how I’m sort of in love with how obsessed he is with me.
Because that’s unhealthy, crazy talk.
No good can come of a toxic relationship like that.
At least, that’s what others will say.
He looks relieved by that, so I may not have gotten judged by him at all.
“Believe it or not, he was better off landing in this club than he would have been anywhere else. He was too fucked up to live in some foster house. If they’d been abusive, he’d have killed them. If they’d been great, he’d have stolen all their shit and ran away from them, landing him right back on the dirty streets of Halo.”
His eyes lift to meet mine. “If he loses the semblance of control he thinks he has over you, it could be bad, Kara. Play your cards carefully. I’ll owe you one,” he says as he pushes off from the table and walks out.
“No pressure,” I mutter to myself, turning to face the board.
So my new life plan is to find my father so we can kill him, and then let my ex-boyfriend kidnap me so he can have me all to himself at his mercy.
I move around some of the threads on the new pattern I see emerging, as I sigh and talk aloud to myself. “I wasted a lot of money and time on therapy.”
Chapter 26
RUSH
“How did she behave?” I ask Sledge, walking out of the locker room showers and drying my hair.
“You’re one of the fortunate few to have your own bathroom. Why are you using the communal showers?” he asks in deflection, which has me narrowing my eyes.
Rolling his own eyes, he lazily shrugs a shoulder. “She was quiet. She also worked on the board and actually may have come up with some good ground to search.”
“I presume someone ensured she stayed in my room. I’m trying to make it look like she has more freedom than she does. It’ll help me gauge if she’s playing me or not,” I say as the boys get a little rowdy.
Someone’s nose gets broken, and riotous laughter erupts.
I have no idea why people get quiet and move out of my way when I walk through. Usually they just pretend I’m not in the room, same as I do with them.